Penyertaan-Mu sempurna, rancangan-Mu b'ri damai
Aman dan sejahtera, walau di tengah badai
Ingin 'ku s'lalu bersama rasakan keindahan
Arti kehadiran-Mu Tuhan...
2 days ago (19/05) was exactly 2 months since I started working in Value Plus - a very unexpected happening, but I truly know that it was not by coincidence at all, but was arranged in such a way by my Creator, my Planner - ending all those ~desperation, exhausting, never-ending unclaritiness, frustration, and so on...~ moments. Well... still desiring to go somewhere else, though (such a 'never-satisfied' me, huh? Hehe...). Don't know why I always wish I could go overseas(well.. though now I'm oversea,haha... I mean.. to western country - USA... my dream!!! haha...); but in time being, I know, God has His very purpose on putting me here NOW. So, what I know is just: I am here NOW, by God's grace, may I fulfill the purpose He assigns me to be here now. In future, where am I gonna be, what am I gonna do, I know it's all already in Your 'organizer', Lord, but... may I...?? ;p
Upon arrival, grace upon grace have I received, that really make me say: "How can I not give thanks?" After having opportunity to serve Papa during his sickness (I really cherish this "opportunity" - I call it), and spending sometimes (though just 1 week) at home, then on 17/03 (Saturday), I left Singkawang to Kuching. I can call it a miracle that after having travel-sickness, I didn't get bad my "pasca-mabok" as I usually had. God knows that I need health :) Arriving at Pleasant Court, Ming Ngi and Suh Chee picked me up to their house, as Su Fen was not in Kuching at that time. I had a good rest there (well... with quite a bad homesick) and stayed overnite there. The next day, they even sent me for shopping and paid for my daily needs. Oh God... what a precious gift from You they are. Until now, they are one of those angels around me, providing me with care, laughter, encouragement, and accompaniment.
After that, moved to Pleasant Court, staying with Su Fen, a good sister of mine, don't know how to describe, but all this while, she and Julian have been so helpful in almost every area of my needs, especially in the beginning of my days in Value Plus. Had great time while staying there for 1 month, that when I moved out, missed her badly (in fact, we still meet each other everyday in office, haha...). Well... may be because of her care which is more of a sister' care rather than a friend-care, the chit-chat we had all the time (sorry for causing your late sleep, sis...), the heart-stories, family stories, miss you, jie jie... (hahaha... that's how I call her lately)
Just on that very nite, the nite before I was suppose to start my first day in Value Plus, had a very stressing time as well, knowing that the contract would be 2 years. Well... write about this later, another story :)
Andy, Silvy, Su Fen of course, and other colleaques who are really more than friendly, helpful, and nice, were one of the mean that God used to convince me to stay, I think. Even until now, I really give thanks for them.
Even then, Thai ce (Yennie) invited me to stay in her house. Well, I do pay (though she at first resisted it), but it's still far far cheaper than if I am to rent a place. Besides, I can go to work with them.
Oh God, what can these all be, if it's not Your grace, and blessings, and arrangement?
My thousand tongues won't be enough to thank You, my precious Father....
Monday, May 21, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
Happy Mother's Day
Happy Mother's Day...
Hm... First time 'treat' mum a dinner for Mother's Day, felt so great... Thanks God for this opportunity. Mum was here since Friday for the ministry in Ling Liang though she was not the one who preach this morning, but her friend coming from Singapore (Ou Ling yi yi) was. Spent a great time with mum and the rest of them. Saturday, after office, went for lunch with them, then taught the children choir. They didn't do very well, i felt so sorry that i got angry with them. But after that apologized to God. Then went to see some resort in Santubong and Damai, and ended with a seafood dinner at Palm Garden. After that, went to Saberkas, had a car ride with Hok ko.. then teh tarik in Water Front.. Yummyyyy... :D
One more time, God reminded me.. "It's not by my might and ability" The children did quite badly the day before, but after the prayer, this morning they did very well in the choir. We had a little, but meaningful celebration of mother's day.
On Friday itself, was strengthen by mum's sharing in the prayer meeting. God... I really want to be like mum. For I know, that's how you want me to be. I'm still very far away from that stage, from that pure heart and integrity in serving you.But I know, it's all by Your Grace.
Mum... I know all your hardships, deeds, and perseverence. Thank You for never give up on me. Thank You God, for this parents of mine... It's really a great grace being their daughter.
Hm... First time 'treat' mum a dinner for Mother's Day, felt so great... Thanks God for this opportunity. Mum was here since Friday for the ministry in Ling Liang though she was not the one who preach this morning, but her friend coming from Singapore (Ou Ling yi yi) was. Spent a great time with mum and the rest of them. Saturday, after office, went for lunch with them, then taught the children choir. They didn't do very well, i felt so sorry that i got angry with them. But after that apologized to God. Then went to see some resort in Santubong and Damai, and ended with a seafood dinner at Palm Garden. After that, went to Saberkas, had a car ride with Hok ko.. then teh tarik in Water Front.. Yummyyyy... :D
One more time, God reminded me.. "It's not by my might and ability" The children did quite badly the day before, but after the prayer, this morning they did very well in the choir. We had a little, but meaningful celebration of mother's day.
On Friday itself, was strengthen by mum's sharing in the prayer meeting. God... I really want to be like mum. For I know, that's how you want me to be. I'm still very far away from that stage, from that pure heart and integrity in serving you.But I know, it's all by Your Grace.
Mum... I know all your hardships, deeds, and perseverence. Thank You for never give up on me. Thank You God, for this parents of mine... It's really a great grace being their daughter.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
After a Long Journey
Thank You, my dear Lord...
That's all I can say. Yeah... after long long journey, now i'm back to here. God's been guiding and arranging in such a way that this is where i'm suppose to be - at least for now-. Quite a long story also, why i eventually end up here. There'll be stories to come ^^ Since Dad was sick a month ago, haven't been bloging till now. But it was really a privilege and opportunity from God for me to serve Papa while he was sick, to let him know that i really love him.
Just complete 1 week being in Value Plus. Well, the nite before, and the first day working was really a hard time that again, made me think "am i making a rite decision?" But again, God guided in such a way that i know "Yes, it is.." I don't know what about days, months, years to come. But i just know, when i'm given today, then i'll just walk for today path. The rest, God's in control. Thank You Lord... What a special privilege being your child.\
Today, had quite a bad homesick. Now having headache as well, and felt like having influenza.
Mum came on Friday, taking people to see doctor and preach this morning. then left on 4pm in the afternoon. came home, alone, so lonely.. then with a bit headache and tired, went to sleep, but couldn't sleep well also... Missing u..dad and mum....
Tomorrow might be assigned with fault reports.. feel a bit nervous and scared, but Wo kao zhe na jia gei wo li liang de, fan shi dou neng zuo.... Yes... Zhu Ni gen wo zhou, wo hai pa shen me na??
That's all I can say. Yeah... after long long journey, now i'm back to here. God's been guiding and arranging in such a way that this is where i'm suppose to be - at least for now-. Quite a long story also, why i eventually end up here. There'll be stories to come ^^ Since Dad was sick a month ago, haven't been bloging till now. But it was really a privilege and opportunity from God for me to serve Papa while he was sick, to let him know that i really love him.
Just complete 1 week being in Value Plus. Well, the nite before, and the first day working was really a hard time that again, made me think "am i making a rite decision?" But again, God guided in such a way that i know "Yes, it is.." I don't know what about days, months, years to come. But i just know, when i'm given today, then i'll just walk for today path. The rest, God's in control. Thank You Lord... What a special privilege being your child.\
Today, had quite a bad homesick. Now having headache as well, and felt like having influenza.
Mum came on Friday, taking people to see doctor and preach this morning. then left on 4pm in the afternoon. came home, alone, so lonely.. then with a bit headache and tired, went to sleep, but couldn't sleep well also... Missing u..dad and mum....
Tomorrow might be assigned with fault reports.. feel a bit nervous and scared, but Wo kao zhe na jia gei wo li liang de, fan shi dou neng zuo.... Yes... Zhu Ni gen wo zhou, wo hai pa shen me na??
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Another 'confusion'
Many things happened in these 2 days. While I've been struggling with my confusion of whether to wait for the job in dcOptima or just go to Sing, suddenly on Tuesday, something happened to Ce and her husband, which really sadden me as well. Something that relate to my family. Right away, it became another 'factor' that came into the list of 'to be considered' (in my job-seeking case). On that very day also, I 'almost' made up my mind to go to Sing. But still, there are fear for that decision. The fear that I'll spend another period of time being jobless in Sing (which of course means spending more). But, seems that it's the only solution.
Before, 'money' is not really a matter for me in looking for job. But now, it's been quite an 'up' one in the list of considerations.
Then, while I was 'almost' ended up in that 'decision', a call from dcOptima came telling me that I am to attend the meeting with the client-side team in Bintaro. Oh God.... I'm so confuse. I'm really afraid that I'll end up in a wrong decision of mine. In one side, I wondered, if God let this problem happen to ensure me to make up my mind to leave for SIng. But in another hand, it seems that when I almost 'reach' that decision, something came to 'block' that decision to be made. Till now, I haven't known yet how I should go to that place (Bintaro) tomorrow. I have no way... I can just surrender, God... totally... No way seems to be right and possible for me to take. Not dcOptime, nor Singapore.
Then last nite, got a call, Dad's sick and is in Hospital. Up to here, I can't even think anymore. My brain really needs to stop. Don't know which one I should think of first. God... now I'm really relying on You alone. Coz You know, God... Even myself, I can trust her anymore... What Sand said is true, sometimes God does create such a situation to make us realize that it's the time when "we can't rely to anyone, anything else anymore. Lian zi ji dou bu neng kao le..."
Now I'm so 'blank'. Don't know what to think, what to decide, even how to think, I don't know.... What I can say now is just... God... please help me....
Before, 'money' is not really a matter for me in looking for job. But now, it's been quite an 'up' one in the list of considerations.
Then, while I was 'almost' ended up in that 'decision', a call from dcOptima came telling me that I am to attend the meeting with the client-side team in Bintaro. Oh God.... I'm so confuse. I'm really afraid that I'll end up in a wrong decision of mine. In one side, I wondered, if God let this problem happen to ensure me to make up my mind to leave for SIng. But in another hand, it seems that when I almost 'reach' that decision, something came to 'block' that decision to be made. Till now, I haven't known yet how I should go to that place (Bintaro) tomorrow. I have no way... I can just surrender, God... totally... No way seems to be right and possible for me to take. Not dcOptime, nor Singapore.
Then last nite, got a call, Dad's sick and is in Hospital. Up to here, I can't even think anymore. My brain really needs to stop. Don't know which one I should think of first. God... now I'm really relying on You alone. Coz You know, God... Even myself, I can trust her anymore... What Sand said is true, sometimes God does create such a situation to make us realize that it's the time when "we can't rely to anyone, anything else anymore. Lian zi ji dou bu neng kao le..."
Now I'm so 'blank'. Don't know what to think, what to decide, even how to think, I don't know.... What I can say now is just... God... please help me....
1st Chinese New Year in Jakarta
Supposed to greet everyone Happy Chinese New Year (not too late still, huh?) This' the first year 'really' being away from 'home' for CNY. Well.. though not being in Skw for CNY twice, but it was in Kg. Jering (Grandma's house), so still 'my home' right? ^ ^ This time in sister's house. It was really a different CNY, didn't really feel the 'Qi Fen' of CNY. It was just like the other ordinary days. New Year Eve, missed Dad & Mum, home, Skw, and Ipoh so much.
But 1 glad thing is that I could spend my CNY with 'ministry' still. (for me, to serve in God's field is a "priviledge"). Played keyboard in both KU1&KU2, felt so good. Then came home, though everybody's left to relatives' house, I felt so OK. Yep, that's the meaningful life. Then, still manage to join them to people's house, got some angpaos..haha... thanks God.. for His great providence.. then at nite, went out with those 'wifes' (my sis, peng, ci lia, yen) haha... learned a lot from them, for my future of course ^ ^
Then on the next day, went to Sian Ce's house in Jemb. 5 with Sand. (Thanks a lot, Sand.. I had a great time). After that, chatted with him for quite a while... about life... about 'our' life. Seems that we have so many similarities in 'treating' life, and sometimes it included Deni as well. Den, Sand, and me.... the 'similar' creatures of God... haha... But through the conversation, many things that suddenly just popped out on my mind, of the things and the blessings I learned/get during the 'process'. Thank You, God.. Thank you, Sand.. for reminding me of many positive things.
But 1 glad thing is that I could spend my CNY with 'ministry' still. (for me, to serve in God's field is a "priviledge"). Played keyboard in both KU1&KU2, felt so good. Then came home, though everybody's left to relatives' house, I felt so OK. Yep, that's the meaningful life. Then, still manage to join them to people's house, got some angpaos..haha... thanks God.. for His great providence.. then at nite, went out with those 'wifes' (my sis, peng, ci lia, yen) haha... learned a lot from them, for my future of course ^ ^
Then on the next day, went to Sian Ce's house in Jemb. 5 with Sand. (Thanks a lot, Sand.. I had a great time). After that, chatted with him for quite a while... about life... about 'our' life. Seems that we have so many similarities in 'treating' life, and sometimes it included Deni as well. Den, Sand, and me.... the 'similar' creatures of God... haha... But through the conversation, many things that suddenly just popped out on my mind, of the things and the blessings I learned/get during the 'process'. Thank You, God.. Thank you, Sand.. for reminding me of many positive things.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
I'm Sorry.. God...
Mon, 13 Feb '07 10.52am
God.. I'm sorry, I'm like this again. But I really run out of that 'spirit'. I am so exhausted, strengthless to fight against my feelings anymore.
It's been ages since I never wake up with a right heart attitude (with hope, "Qi Dai"). Never woke up with a "looking forward" feeling. But everyday I woke up with questions "what am I doing here?", "Why do I end up like this?", "When will this moments end?", "What should I do today?", and many more.. And today "Being far away from parents, and yet doing nothing here, without any purpose.. Oh God.. What on earth am I here for?" What is this all about, Lord... Who can really understand this kind of feeling of mine???
P.S. And at the end of this post, Den.. you know that you're 'normal' :)
God.. I'm sorry, I'm like this again. But I really run out of that 'spirit'. I am so exhausted, strengthless to fight against my feelings anymore.
It's been ages since I never wake up with a right heart attitude (with hope, "Qi Dai"). Never woke up with a "looking forward" feeling. But everyday I woke up with questions "what am I doing here?", "Why do I end up like this?", "When will this moments end?", "What should I do today?", and many more.. And today "Being far away from parents, and yet doing nothing here, without any purpose.. Oh God.. What on earth am I here for?" What is this all about, Lord... Who can really understand this kind of feeling of mine???
P.S. And at the end of this post, Den.. you know that you're 'normal' :)
Happy Valentine
Again... this' supposed to be posted yesterday, but no internet line. So this' actually what I wrote in my diary yesterday.
Happy Valentine, Jia Yun (and everyone who read this, my Sai Mui, of course). I love you.. God loves you even more, far far beyond what you could think of. He loves you, cares for you, 'n understands you more than anyone in life. ~> and I love You so, my God...
Watched "Smile Pasta" 'til 2am again. Argghh... Jia Yun.. is this your life?? What kinda life is this? Anyway, really impressed by Xiao Shi's "Wu Gui Jing Shen" (Spirit of Tortoise). I am the winner as long I reach the finish. "Dan Chuen".. yep, that's what I wanna be. A woman of Integrity.
All these while I have been "bao bei" for many; special friends, people in GSRI, the youths, mom's gank, friends in Kch, tree cell 3, and especially... Mum&Dad. Who on earth who doesn't know that I am a "bao bei" and most beloved of Papa? But... seems that I am really disappointing. Now I'm really unworthy to carry that "bao bei" title on me. I'm sorry Dad.. Mum..
I really want and wish I could visit many people who's meant so much in my life, but I really have no "face" to face them. I'm not ready at all to respond to their "hello, how r u?", "what r u doing now?", "where do you work?", bla3 questions. Name them Ms. Chung (my EIP lecturer 'sister', tree cell, mum's family, ex-lecturers and staffs, ex-classmates...
God.. please strengthen me. Uphold me, my heart, my thoughts, and my feeling in Your embrace. I can't walk alone, I can't go through all these by myself. I know Your way is the best, and it's not by telling me where I'll end up in. But You want to lead me 'step-by-step', that along the journey, I can learn and grow. I know, God... Just... give me that faith.. and TRUST.
Happy Valentine, Jia Yun (and everyone who read this, my Sai Mui, of course). I love you.. God loves you even more, far far beyond what you could think of. He loves you, cares for you, 'n understands you more than anyone in life. ~> and I love You so, my God...
Watched "Smile Pasta" 'til 2am again. Argghh... Jia Yun.. is this your life?? What kinda life is this? Anyway, really impressed by Xiao Shi's "Wu Gui Jing Shen" (Spirit of Tortoise). I am the winner as long I reach the finish. "Dan Chuen".. yep, that's what I wanna be. A woman of Integrity.
All these while I have been "bao bei" for many; special friends, people in GSRI, the youths, mom's gank, friends in Kch, tree cell 3, and especially... Mum&Dad. Who on earth who doesn't know that I am a "bao bei" and most beloved of Papa? But... seems that I am really disappointing. Now I'm really unworthy to carry that "bao bei" title on me. I'm sorry Dad.. Mum..
I really want and wish I could visit many people who's meant so much in my life, but I really have no "face" to face them. I'm not ready at all to respond to their "hello, how r u?", "what r u doing now?", "where do you work?", bla3 questions. Name them Ms. Chung (my EIP lecturer 'sister', tree cell, mum's family, ex-lecturers and staffs, ex-classmates...
God.. please strengthen me. Uphold me, my heart, my thoughts, and my feeling in Your embrace. I can't walk alone, I can't go through all these by myself. I know Your way is the best, and it's not by telling me where I'll end up in. But You want to lead me 'step-by-step', that along the journey, I can learn and grow. I know, God... Just... give me that faith.. and TRUST.
Friday, February 9, 2007
The steps
Thu, 8 Feb 2007 (This were typed in notepad last nite, no internet line to publish it)
Hmm... Here you go...Yosefin (dcOptima) called this afternoon and I didn't hear the call, so missed it. When saw the missed call, hesitated to call back. Why? I'm also not sure. Not ready yet 'gua'... Why not ready leh? Hmm... don't know.. I think a bit traumed with so many unclarities, confusions going on these days. Yun, more than 1 year already,huh!? The days with so many "What should I do?, Which way God?, Where should I go?, Where should I be?,..."
Sometimes it was so funny, and sometimes so 'geram'. Many times when I was almost sure to take up a certain decision, then something came up that made me think shouldn't I choose this decision?
Ok, back to the topic ^ ^. Then after a little bit struggle, nervous, not knowing what information she'd bring for me, and by the strength after prayer, called Yosefin, and she said will call me back. Not long, she called; brought me the update of the job I'm going to do.
The main director of the client has signed the 'contract to be'. At first they told me that the only remaining thing before I can start working was just that main director's signature. And now, they were informed that after that signature, it has to go through a "Legislation process". They don't either know what it's all about, and how long it will take, because it's indeed none of their business. It's just the client's side procedure. Now the think is: "I have to wait for another 'unknown' period of time". Suddenly felt so blur, confuse, don't know what to do.. "Oh no... jobless still??"
It's been 2 months since I was jobless. And I have been waiting for the status of this job for more than 1 month. Before, I thought (and told God) that if this' not the 'one' (the job that God wants me to take), then I won't come back to Jakarta (for job-seeking reason). But then they called me up 2 weeks ago, asking me to come, informing me that I would be starting working on February (just for this matter, there was another 'life story' -> the 2 days most struggling time -> Find it in another post-to-come). That's why now I'm here in Jakarta. And now they said that I have to wait AGAIN... Yes, if I'm being jobless, and staying in myown home, with parents there, being busy with church ministries, that'll be much better/acceptable. But here, I'm staying in other's house, that's really a different story. Supposely, if they hadn't been sure that I need to start working, they shouldn't have asked me to come. Then I'd be spending CNY with parents in my 'home' and community back in Skw; I could have accompanying dad who's now alone at home (Mum's in KL); rather than doing nothing here.
I started to guess, "Is there anything that God wants to reveal behind all the process of this job which is full of unclarity, and complexity?" But well, this time is different. I really feel this time I face this confusion with a different heart attitude. Hard to describe. But it's just different, I'm much better than I used to be. I mean, the degree of frustration, stress, is much lower now ^ ^ I just asked God to keep me calm and obey.
But to cancel(quit)? I'm afraid that I will bring trouble to them. Because the application has reached to this status, and it's already up to this stage/process. And another thing, cancel, then what would you do? There's no alternative. Apply for EPEC? But then if the EPEC is approved, and this job requires me to start, then I don't leave for Singapore, the EPEC's cancelled, blacklisted?See... so many cross-junctions :)
Wanted to tell dad and asked for his opinion, but now dad's alone at home. Didn't want to bother him with this. So wait till mum's back this Sunday then plan to called them.
Then slowly, came this thought: 'While waiting for dcOptima's confirmation, why don't I go to Singapore having a short vacation, while having a look, survey, and look for job. See what's gonna happen." Then now this' what I plan (this is what I can think of, God. What do You think?) Monday call Yosefin to ask more info on this job status, how long will I need to wait. Then call mum and dad tell them about the situation, ask for their opinion and tell them about my plan. If they allow, then go to Singapore via Batam. So that mean what should I do? Hm.. starting tomorrow I have to plan for the trip. Which way is the cheapest (Johor, KL, or Batam?). Then check Air Asia's cheapest ticket ;pBut, again... If later in Singapore, I find a job, but at the same time dcOptima also requires me to come back and start working, how leh? How God? haha...
When I was sms-ing with Peng about this, she gave me back the sentence that I've just told her in the morning: "God is never too late, but He's never too fast either" What a wonder God I'm having. Even my friendship, He cares about it. Oh God... I'm really wordless.. And also just now when sms-ing with Peng again about her struggles, I was reminded of myown 'cases' and apply all the encouraging words that was at first destinated to her, to myself. It's really amazing and awesome how God cares on me.
In the midst of confusion, then came these thoughts that made me really full of gratitude.
God, thank You for all these:
- Peace in the midst of confusion
- Unfailing plan
- Refuge and strength right at the time
- Providences that never be too late
- Grace which is new every day
- Peng2 who's always there n never be fed up to listen to me, never give up on me
- People around me; Friends, family who are always there, willing to help. So many ppl I can turn to ask for opinion, help, etc. Sister and brother-in-law who are always be willing and so helpful, send me to interviews, etc.
- Though I've been unemployed for a while, but I never be lacking of anything
- Free accomodation (while looking for job ^^)
- Most importantly: the guarantee of the best that You've provided and gonna reveal to me. Romans 8:28. That no matter how hard, how struggling, how confuse I am now, there's not a big deal about it. Coz I know they are all the best from You, Lord.
God, I know there's nothing happen by coincidence. These are all what "I" could think of. But I know "You" see far beyond all of them. Though now I don't know what, when, and where I'll end up to, but I know that "what, when, and where" are already there.
I Love You! My Wonderful God...
Hmm... Here you go...Yosefin (dcOptima) called this afternoon and I didn't hear the call, so missed it. When saw the missed call, hesitated to call back. Why? I'm also not sure. Not ready yet 'gua'... Why not ready leh? Hmm... don't know.. I think a bit traumed with so many unclarities, confusions going on these days. Yun, more than 1 year already,huh!? The days with so many "What should I do?, Which way God?, Where should I go?, Where should I be?,..."
Sometimes it was so funny, and sometimes so 'geram'. Many times when I was almost sure to take up a certain decision, then something came up that made me think shouldn't I choose this decision?
Ok, back to the topic ^ ^. Then after a little bit struggle, nervous, not knowing what information she'd bring for me, and by the strength after prayer, called Yosefin, and she said will call me back. Not long, she called; brought me the update of the job I'm going to do.
The main director of the client has signed the 'contract to be'. At first they told me that the only remaining thing before I can start working was just that main director's signature. And now, they were informed that after that signature, it has to go through a "Legislation process". They don't either know what it's all about, and how long it will take, because it's indeed none of their business. It's just the client's side procedure. Now the think is: "I have to wait for another 'unknown' period of time". Suddenly felt so blur, confuse, don't know what to do.. "Oh no... jobless still??"
It's been 2 months since I was jobless. And I have been waiting for the status of this job for more than 1 month. Before, I thought (and told God) that if this' not the 'one' (the job that God wants me to take), then I won't come back to Jakarta (for job-seeking reason). But then they called me up 2 weeks ago, asking me to come, informing me that I would be starting working on February (just for this matter, there was another 'life story' -> the 2 days most struggling time -> Find it in another post-to-come). That's why now I'm here in Jakarta. And now they said that I have to wait AGAIN... Yes, if I'm being jobless, and staying in myown home, with parents there, being busy with church ministries, that'll be much better/acceptable. But here, I'm staying in other's house, that's really a different story. Supposely, if they hadn't been sure that I need to start working, they shouldn't have asked me to come. Then I'd be spending CNY with parents in my 'home' and community back in Skw; I could have accompanying dad who's now alone at home (Mum's in KL); rather than doing nothing here.
I started to guess, "Is there anything that God wants to reveal behind all the process of this job which is full of unclarity, and complexity?" But well, this time is different. I really feel this time I face this confusion with a different heart attitude. Hard to describe. But it's just different, I'm much better than I used to be. I mean, the degree of frustration, stress, is much lower now ^ ^ I just asked God to keep me calm and obey.
But to cancel(quit)? I'm afraid that I will bring trouble to them. Because the application has reached to this status, and it's already up to this stage/process. And another thing, cancel, then what would you do? There's no alternative. Apply for EPEC? But then if the EPEC is approved, and this job requires me to start, then I don't leave for Singapore, the EPEC's cancelled, blacklisted?See... so many cross-junctions :)
Wanted to tell dad and asked for his opinion, but now dad's alone at home. Didn't want to bother him with this. So wait till mum's back this Sunday then plan to called them.
Then slowly, came this thought: 'While waiting for dcOptima's confirmation, why don't I go to Singapore having a short vacation, while having a look, survey, and look for job. See what's gonna happen." Then now this' what I plan (this is what I can think of, God. What do You think?) Monday call Yosefin to ask more info on this job status, how long will I need to wait. Then call mum and dad tell them about the situation, ask for their opinion and tell them about my plan. If they allow, then go to Singapore via Batam. So that mean what should I do? Hm.. starting tomorrow I have to plan for the trip. Which way is the cheapest (Johor, KL, or Batam?). Then check Air Asia's cheapest ticket ;pBut, again... If later in Singapore, I find a job, but at the same time dcOptima also requires me to come back and start working, how leh? How God? haha...
When I was sms-ing with Peng about this, she gave me back the sentence that I've just told her in the morning: "God is never too late, but He's never too fast either" What a wonder God I'm having. Even my friendship, He cares about it. Oh God... I'm really wordless.. And also just now when sms-ing with Peng again about her struggles, I was reminded of myown 'cases' and apply all the encouraging words that was at first destinated to her, to myself. It's really amazing and awesome how God cares on me.
In the midst of confusion, then came these thoughts that made me really full of gratitude.
God, thank You for all these:
- Peace in the midst of confusion
- Unfailing plan
- Refuge and strength right at the time
- Providences that never be too late
- Grace which is new every day
- Peng2 who's always there n never be fed up to listen to me, never give up on me
- People around me; Friends, family who are always there, willing to help. So many ppl I can turn to ask for opinion, help, etc. Sister and brother-in-law who are always be willing and so helpful, send me to interviews, etc.
- Though I've been unemployed for a while, but I never be lacking of anything
- Free accomodation (while looking for job ^^)
- Most importantly: the guarantee of the best that You've provided and gonna reveal to me. Romans 8:28. That no matter how hard, how struggling, how confuse I am now, there's not a big deal about it. Coz I know they are all the best from You, Lord.
God, I know there's nothing happen by coincidence. These are all what "I" could think of. But I know "You" see far beyond all of them. Though now I don't know what, when, and where I'll end up to, but I know that "what, when, and where" are already there.
I Love You! My Wonderful God...
Monday, February 5, 2007
Another one
So... here you come another one, since i'm still here (can't go home coz it's raining).
Guess what... it's 2.45am and i'm still here, in cyber. Well, here goes the story... ;p
There's been quite bad flood all around Jakarta these 3 days. Thank God that our area is ok. However, we are still impacted; it's been black-out for 2 days (today's the 3rd day). Boring days, limited water, especially nite times. I think last nite was its climacs (am i spelling correctly??). After a massal clothes washing, got really really bored, for phone line was also down. Until.. my poor brother-in-law's brother who's having exam tomorrow morning and couldn't study because of the black-out insisted me to come to this cyber by the 9 hours package (Rp 10,000 for 9pm-6am... cheap,huh?!). Well.that's because i'm the only one who can accompany him (the only unemployed). So.. that's how i appear here. It's good, though, so that i have access and time to manage my newly created blog, as well as to 'visit' David's and Deni's blog, and... SOP's BBS that i've left for ages... Huge amount of posts that i might have to catch up.. but well... for those who know me.. it's alrite for me for the cases on which i have great passion on :) Well.. it's another great 'providence' from God. Recently, been reading the book 'Step By Step', and got really blessed by it (hm.. supposed to be 'by its author' hihi...)
--> God, have mercy on Jakarta, Indonesia..
Guess what... it's 2.45am and i'm still here, in cyber. Well, here goes the story... ;p
There's been quite bad flood all around Jakarta these 3 days. Thank God that our area is ok. However, we are still impacted; it's been black-out for 2 days (today's the 3rd day). Boring days, limited water, especially nite times. I think last nite was its climacs (am i spelling correctly??). After a massal clothes washing, got really really bored, for phone line was also down. Until.. my poor brother-in-law's brother who's having exam tomorrow morning and couldn't study because of the black-out insisted me to come to this cyber by the 9 hours package (Rp 10,000 for 9pm-6am... cheap,huh?!). Well.that's because i'm the only one who can accompany him (the only unemployed). So.. that's how i appear here. It's good, though, so that i have access and time to manage my newly created blog, as well as to 'visit' David's and Deni's blog, and... SOP's BBS that i've left for ages... Huge amount of posts that i might have to catch up.. but well... for those who know me.. it's alrite for me for the cases on which i have great passion on :) Well.. it's another great 'providence' from God. Recently, been reading the book 'Step By Step', and got really blessed by it (hm.. supposed to be 'by its author' hihi...)
--> God, have mercy on Jakarta, Indonesia..
First post nich yee...
Here you come... A very first post from me :)
Got this idea to 'blogging' when first time visited SOP's blog. Well.. you've gotta have a blog in order to be able to contribute (commenting) in the blog. But couldn't think of a good and meaningful 'title' for my blog at that time, so it remained 'pending'.
Then when told by Deni bout her blog, then decided that I really have to make it into reality,haha... Ermm..Can't remember when it was exactly, but only now manage to post my first blog. Just be patient... More to come... ;p (plannings are going on in my head already,hahaha...)
Got this idea to 'blogging' when first time visited SOP's blog. Well.. you've gotta have a blog in order to be able to contribute (commenting) in the blog. But couldn't think of a good and meaningful 'title' for my blog at that time, so it remained 'pending'.
Then when told by Deni bout her blog, then decided that I really have to make it into reality,haha... Ermm..Can't remember when it was exactly, but only now manage to post my first blog. Just be patient... More to come... ;p (plannings are going on in my head already,hahaha...)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)