Mon, 13 Feb '07 10.52am
God.. I'm sorry, I'm like this again. But I really run out of that 'spirit'. I am so exhausted, strengthless to fight against my feelings anymore.
It's been ages since I never wake up with a right heart attitude (with hope, "Qi Dai"). Never woke up with a "looking forward" feeling. But everyday I woke up with questions "what am I doing here?", "Why do I end up like this?", "When will this moments end?", "What should I do today?", and many more.. And today "Being far away from parents, and yet doing nothing here, without any purpose.. Oh God.. What on earth am I here for?" What is this all about, Lord... Who can really understand this kind of feeling of mine???
P.S. And at the end of this post, Den.. you know that you're 'normal' :)
3 comments:
i dun know (understand) how u feel down there (in jakarta), being jobless and staying in other people's house, sharing this and that, do not have ur own time and privacy or everything u can mention. but there should be lots of precious stuffs u're goin to learn from, in the end. just endure and try to "learn" the process. when im saying this, it doesnt mean, im stronger or anything, im just in the same state as you trying my very best to "learn" to accept and treasure the "now" God's givin me. worrying, wandering, asking God "why" doesnt solve the questions in u, so why not just cool down for a bit ^_^
p.s. i know it's hard to put into practice wut i've just typed (especially for people like us), but when ur willing to let go, things will become alot easier.
take courage,
sai mui ^_^ v
hey.. thanks a lot. tell u wat. when i'm reading this(your comment), my tears run down. yup, it's very true. i do 'learn' a lot. monday, i talked quite for a while with sand, and the more we talked, the more new things that i realized i've been learning. just, sometimes, need to explode it out.. the things that's 'berkecamuk' inside,hehe... yi qi jia you oo..
hm... yeah, sometimes u need to pause for a while; cry out, let go off the things inside u, then u'll feel much relieved ^_^ v
dun stop posting!
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