The steps

Thu, 8 Feb 2007 (This were typed in notepad last nite, no internet line to publish it)

Hmm... Here you go...Yosefin (dcOptima) called this afternoon and I didn't hear the call, so missed it. When saw the missed call, hesitated to call back. Why? I'm also not sure. Not ready yet 'gua'... Why not ready leh? Hmm... don't know.. I think a bit traumed with so many unclarities, confusions going on these days. Yun, more than 1 year already,huh!? The days with so many "What should I do?, Which way God?, Where should I go?, Where should I be?,..."

Sometimes it was so funny, and sometimes so 'geram'. Many times when I was almost sure to take up a certain decision, then something came up that made me think shouldn't I choose this decision?
Ok, back to the topic ^ ^. Then after a little bit struggle, nervous, not knowing what information she'd bring for me, and by the strength after prayer, called Yosefin, and she said will call me back. Not long, she called; brought me the update of the job I'm going to do.

The main director of the client has signed the 'contract to be'. At first they told me that the only remaining thing before I can start working was just that main director's signature. And now, they were informed that after that signature, it has to go through a "Legislation process". They don't either know what it's all about, and how long it will take, because it's indeed none of their business. It's just the client's side procedure. Now the think is: "I have to wait for another 'unknown' period of time". Suddenly felt so blur, confuse, don't know what to do.. "Oh no... jobless still??"

It's been 2 months since I was jobless. And I have been waiting for the status of this job for more than 1 month. Before, I thought (and told God) that if this' not the 'one' (the job that God wants me to take), then I won't come back to Jakarta (for job-seeking reason). But then they called me up 2 weeks ago, asking me to come, informing me that I would be starting working on February (just for this matter, there was another 'life story' -> the 2 days most struggling time -> Find it in another post-to-come). That's why now I'm here in Jakarta. And now they said that I have to wait AGAIN... Yes, if I'm being jobless, and staying in myown home, with parents there, being busy with church ministries, that'll be much better/acceptable. But here, I'm staying in other's house, that's really a different story. Supposely, if they hadn't been sure that I need to start working, they shouldn't have asked me to come. Then I'd be spending CNY with parents in my 'home' and community back in Skw; I could have accompanying dad who's now alone at home (Mum's in KL); rather than doing nothing here.

I started to guess, "Is there anything that God wants to reveal behind all the process of this job which is full of unclarity, and complexity?" But well, this time is different. I really feel this time I face this confusion with a different heart attitude. Hard to describe. But it's just different, I'm much better than I used to be. I mean, the degree of frustration, stress, is much lower now ^ ^ I just asked God to keep me calm and obey.
But to cancel(quit)? I'm afraid that I will bring trouble to them. Because the application has reached to this status, and it's already up to this stage/process. And another thing, cancel, then what would you do? There's no alternative. Apply for EPEC? But then if the EPEC is approved, and this job requires me to start, then I don't leave for Singapore, the EPEC's cancelled, blacklisted?See... so many cross-junctions :)
Wanted to tell dad and asked for his opinion, but now dad's alone at home. Didn't want to bother him with this. So wait till mum's back this Sunday then plan to called them.

Then slowly, came this thought: 'While waiting for dcOptima's confirmation, why don't I go to Singapore having a short vacation, while having a look, survey, and look for job. See what's gonna happen." Then now this' what I plan (this is what I can think of, God. What do You think?) Monday call Yosefin to ask more info on this job status, how long will I need to wait. Then call mum and dad tell them about the situation, ask for their opinion and tell them about my plan. If they allow, then go to Singapore via Batam. So that mean what should I do? Hm.. starting tomorrow I have to plan for the trip. Which way is the cheapest (Johor, KL, or Batam?). Then check Air Asia's cheapest ticket ;pBut, again... If later in Singapore, I find a job, but at the same time dcOptima also requires me to come back and start working, how leh? How God? haha...

When I was sms-ing with Peng about this, she gave me back the sentence that I've just told her in the morning: "God is never too late, but He's never too fast either" What a wonder God I'm having. Even my friendship, He cares about it. Oh God... I'm really wordless.. And also just now when sms-ing with Peng again about her struggles, I was reminded of myown 'cases' and apply all the encouraging words that was at first destinated to her, to myself. It's really amazing and awesome how God cares on me.

In the midst of confusion, then came these thoughts that made me really full of gratitude.
God, thank You for all these:
- Peace in the midst of confusion
- Unfailing plan
- Refuge and strength right at the time
- Providences that never be too late
- Grace which is new every day
- Peng2 who's always there n never be fed up to listen to me, never give up on me
- People around me; Friends, family who are always there, willing to help. So many ppl I can turn to ask for opinion, help, etc. Sister and brother-in-law who are always be willing and so helpful, send me to interviews, etc.
- Though I've been unemployed for a while, but I never be lacking of anything
- Free accomodation (while looking for job ^^)
- Most importantly: the guarantee of the best that You've provided and gonna reveal to me. Romans 8:28. That no matter how hard, how struggling, how confuse I am now, there's not a big deal about it. Coz I know they are all the best from You, Lord.

God, I know there's nothing happen by coincidence. These are all what "I" could think of. But I know "You" see far beyond all of them. Though now I don't know what, when, and where I'll end up to, but I know that "what, when, and where" are already there.

I Love You! My Wonderful God...