Yi han..

25/11/08 10:11am

Listening to Betty's family recording for their mum during Mother's day. I feel like doing this for mum too,3 of us + the grandchildren. But just like many other times, whenever I thought of doing something for Dad & Mum, there'll always this "yi han" in my deepest heart: Koko! Everytime, I look at other's family who are so loving and close to each other, my heart would just be overwhelmed, weep. Yes, every single time, I'd just so admire them, and that to happen in my family. Actually it's not impossible for my family, only if Koko's changed.

Sometimes I really wonder what made him like that. I asked God many times, but no answer yet.

Does he hate Dad & Mum? If so, God, How's the reconciliation need to be? I believe! I believe there's nothing impossible for You. I know You are able to change him, in the way that we'd have never thought of. But one thing I ask... may that happen while Dad & Mum are still around, give Your faithful servants a chance to witness that miracle in our family, I believe it'll be the most wonderful and joyous moment for them, and for me. May this wonder works of Yours heal their hurts and give us chance to enjoy that wonderful moments together. God, I really ask this in Jesus Christ Name. Amen!

I'm so glad that I did the video for Pa's birthday. But, I could only do it on my own. I really wish to do it together with cece and koko.

I used to tell God that if Pa has to face this in his life, then may I be the one who comfort them, please them, being a good and adorable daughter to them. But now I know, I can please them, love them, but I'll never be able to replace ko. They being happy for having me is one thing, but being sad about koko is totally another thing; just like I'm being so thankful, glad, and proud for having these parents is really another thing with my sadness of having this koko. Whenever I see a family with a loving, protecting, adorable son, I always admire it, envy them.

And now, once again I whisper... God... I want it.. I want to see it... I want to see the miracle... And I believe You can.. only You can change him. Thank You, Father...

(Wrote this in my dcOptima notebook, and only today, 12/12/08 can finish typing it to blog ^^)

I was well... and going to be well too :)

Last nite went to meet B's parents and had dinner with them. We had a good and sweet fellowship, chat, sharing (watever you call it) together. So glad to hear that they are now passionately serving God in the church.
On the way there, kinda blue. But when I was with them, I was well... ya, so well... Praise the Lord. Even after that, though I still had some "only if" thoughts, but I was really well :)
Thank You, Jesus...

Took this photo once reached home :)

I believe...

I hate this feeling, don't know when can I get rid of it.
Whoo.. finally I told SC about this. Felt more released after telling, at least didn't feel that alone anymore. But this morning when I woke up, kinda regret telling her, because shame shame :)

Anyway, I believe God is going to heal me completely, restoring my heart wholly...
I believe... I believe...

End-Time Church

Sunday sermon was entitled "End-Time Church", by Rev. Dr. Tony Chi.
I wept as the preacher showed us the statistic of the world evangelization.
From 1.6 billion in 1900, the world population had grown up to 6.6 billion today (2008). Out of this huge number, 27% of them had never heard / known of the Gospel (i.e. unevangelized), and 87% of them live in Asia.

And watch this!
It's estimated that "15 people die in every 10 seconds. And 10 of them died without having heard of Gospel".Can you imagine, by the time we end our service, thousands of people have died without knowing God!
Looking at myself, inside my heart I cried, "God... I don't want to just wept... I want to act".

Oscar Schindler, he saved thousands of Jews from Nazis during World War II. But at the end of his works, he said, "I could have saved more". He cried for not saving enough.



What about me???

Finally... Pasta :)

Hehe.. finally, I had pasta for my lunch just now, after been craving for it for 2 weeks. Just a simple carbonara at PastaMania, but I think that 2 weeks 'crave' made it special :)

Sometimes, 'waiting' can just really make something more special when we get it, compared to if we got it easily. So... just be patient, and rejoice during 'waiting' times.
Yeah.. I want to wait upon and before You, joyfully, in all things, knowing that You are going to give the best for me in Your perfect time. And help me to believe more...

TWA mission failed...

Have been having homesick and feeling blue for few days.
Last night, I told God that no matter what, "tomorrow I have to wake up early for my TWA", after being failing doing so for so many times.

And last night too, was a bit weird. Well, though sometimes in these years, I still thought of him, missed him, especially whenever I saw/heard something memorable, but last night, it was a bad one. It was out of nothing, sudden. After praying, due to very tired body, I wanted to have a good rest and sleep. But once my head reached my pillow, all the thoughts about him just overwhelmed me. My mind was just like flashing back to so many moments when we're together. Started from the sweet ones that he gave me, the first letter, on the bike, taught me maths, etc... kept on flowing, just like powerpint slides, from one page to the other pages, till I found my heart once again whispered, "I still can't believe and understand why I treated him that way." Why we ended up this way. Really missed him very badly, that I wept on my bed, silently, not wanting to be noticed by my 2 room-mates.

So lonely, then I was reminded of one moment which for me, is the worst hurt I felt after hurting him, when I returned him the game CD he gave me. The next day, his good friend approached me showing me the CD that he broke. My heart was so painful and broken realizing that I had hurt him so deeply. I really didn't know what to do. I could only go to look for my mentor, and cried on her bed.Being reminded of this, I suddenly missed my mentor so much, I need her so much at that moment, and I just wanted to talk to her. Texted her to make sure that she hadn't slept yet, then called her. I didn't mention anything about what bothering my sleep, just talked about other topics, but after that I really felt much better, and went to sleep. Thank you, SC..

Untill now, I really can't and don't dare to tell anyone (even my mentor) that I'm still thinking of him, though keeping this feeling by myself and myself alone, is really suffering and unbearable. God... I don't want to live in the past anymore. Please take me out... Help me to set my mind on the things above...

And, what does it have to do with my failed TWA? Well, because I couldn't sleep last night til very late, this morning I couldn't wake up early to do my TWA. Hhh.. another failed attempt. Forgive me, Abba... I will believe more, pay more effort, and love You more...Yeah... I need You, Father!

Websites

So... I think I'm gonna post all the website links which I found good here, progresively; so as to share them with anybody who reads my blog, and of course, so that I myself remember, haha...

WORSHIP
Stream of Praise
http://www.christianguitar.org/

DEVOTIONAL / CHRISTIAN ARTICLES
http://www.myutmost.org/
http://glorianet.org/grace/
http://www.gospelherald.net/

MUSIC
http://www.playpiano.com/wordpress/
http://www.lastfm.com/
http://singklyricz.com/

RESOURCES
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/

CREATIVE
www.faceinhole.com

Wow...

“All the Lord’s ways are LOVING and TRUE for those who follow the demands of his agreement.”

Psalm 25:10

Wow...

Thank You, Father...

"He doesn't call the equipped... He equips the called!"

(Quoted from: Tiffo's blog)

tired...

7.20pm, still in office. Not that late yet though, but very very tired. So, going home soon. But, that desire to write more stuff and more constantly in this blog ever since I decided to revive my blog was just getting stronger and stronger. So, here I am, despite of my exhaustness, writing here :) I hope I can write more meaningful stuff here. God, please give me inspirations... Btw, I'm so happy that I accidentally found one of my favorite person's blog today :)
Thank You, God, for this very day. For all your guidance, care, strength, and protection that You've provided. I want to be more and more obedient to You, intentionally. Love You, Father...

But...

But... still can't get 'him' out of my mind. Comparing others to him, it's really hard to accept someone else, other than him. God... help me! :((