TWA mission failed...

Have been having homesick and feeling blue for few days.
Last night, I told God that no matter what, "tomorrow I have to wake up early for my TWA", after being failing doing so for so many times.

And last night too, was a bit weird. Well, though sometimes in these years, I still thought of him, missed him, especially whenever I saw/heard something memorable, but last night, it was a bad one. It was out of nothing, sudden. After praying, due to very tired body, I wanted to have a good rest and sleep. But once my head reached my pillow, all the thoughts about him just overwhelmed me. My mind was just like flashing back to so many moments when we're together. Started from the sweet ones that he gave me, the first letter, on the bike, taught me maths, etc... kept on flowing, just like powerpint slides, from one page to the other pages, till I found my heart once again whispered, "I still can't believe and understand why I treated him that way." Why we ended up this way. Really missed him very badly, that I wept on my bed, silently, not wanting to be noticed by my 2 room-mates.

So lonely, then I was reminded of one moment which for me, is the worst hurt I felt after hurting him, when I returned him the game CD he gave me. The next day, his good friend approached me showing me the CD that he broke. My heart was so painful and broken realizing that I had hurt him so deeply. I really didn't know what to do. I could only go to look for my mentor, and cried on her bed.Being reminded of this, I suddenly missed my mentor so much, I need her so much at that moment, and I just wanted to talk to her. Texted her to make sure that she hadn't slept yet, then called her. I didn't mention anything about what bothering my sleep, just talked about other topics, but after that I really felt much better, and went to sleep. Thank you, SC..

Untill now, I really can't and don't dare to tell anyone (even my mentor) that I'm still thinking of him, though keeping this feeling by myself and myself alone, is really suffering and unbearable. God... I don't want to live in the past anymore. Please take me out... Help me to set my mind on the things above...

And, what does it have to do with my failed TWA? Well, because I couldn't sleep last night til very late, this morning I couldn't wake up early to do my TWA. Hhh.. another failed attempt. Forgive me, Abba... I will believe more, pay more effort, and love You more...Yeah... I need You, Father!