"Stepping Out"

(Wrote this in my notebook on 21 Nov '08 10.43am @ Office while drawing Site Plan ^^)

I'm so glad and thank God that in this work, I can listen to music/sermon/testimonial (thru GoodTV). So, my soul is being filled too while I'm working.But don't worry... I still can concentrate with my work well, hehe... so I didn't "snake" oh... Except if I suddenly have some thoughts, then I'll quickly write it down lor (just like now, haha...)

Well, the point is: It feels really good. Having your spirit being filled and fed is really good.

But, that's not the main purpose I write this. What then? Well.. I listened to the song "Stepping Out" (by. Frank Cheng - SOP) just now. Then that burden in my heart to serve full-time was there again (just like many other times). Then it came to my mind, all these while I've always been desiring to serve full-timely, but I just hesitate to go to Seminary. I said in my heart: God, I want to go full time. But I don't want to be bonded by any structure. Especially like those church with sceptic rules and regulations on doctrines. Well, it's good in term of keeping the unity within the church, but I think my calling is not there.Hm, is it a revelation of solution for me to take up the respond to the calling? Freelance? But how...? But... is this alright? I mean, my attitude of not wanting to be bonded, especially the doctrine principle, is it alright? or is it the act of my rebelliousness that always want to be free and just following what I myself want?I just feel somehow it's difficult to work under 1 extreme doctrine. Well, may be because I still don't want to stand on 1 extreme denomination: charismatic/evangelical. So, somehow I'll feel: "I can't accept charismatic fully, but when I'm in Evangelical, somehow I feel a bit being bonded to do certain things, or being not free when I want to do something.

But God, here I am... Let it be Your way :)