Jesus, I will not quit!

I just wanna thaaank God for feeding me with so much grace, creating (or rather reviving) the confidence in me, not of myself, but of Him, of His love again this beginning of year. I believe that this is gonna mark my year-start and by God's grace continue running this year better than last year. Thaaank You, God...

I just realized that I've been so hopeless, shameful, discouraged, disappointed with myself, especially in my spiritual life, and of course that 'lost-ness' in life. I felt everything's just gone. Even the talents that I used to think as God-given to me were also gone as I disobeyed Him and His will again and again. I literally lost everything... lost confidence, lost direction, lost passion, almost loosing hope, then...

1. Ps Benny Ho's sermon on Sunday, 17 Jan 2010 (Hope for the Hopeless)

My hope is in the God of hope! Not in myself, not in my strength to please Him (that fails again and again), not even in my faith, but in Him! So, who am I to lose hope? Oh.. there's still hope for me.. to be spiritually revived again, to be used by Him again, to be drawn near to Him again. Yes, there's hope...

Romans 5:13
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow
with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Note: was supposed to tell Joy a deadline for me to answer her regarding being A&C leader after the service. I was almost wanting to say "No" right away, seeing how I'm doing as a Christian, seeing how my relationship with God had become. But after the sermon, I was so excited to see what God's going to do in my life this year that I changed my answer to "let's see how I'm improving in 3 months. Reason being, I don't want to lead out of myown emptiness"

2. Asher Tribe Gathering today, 29 Jan 2010 Exhortation by Tuck Leh

Watching the video below, when Derek was struggling with the pain, I really saw myself in it: hopeless, sin, strengthless, disappointed with myself, lonely, pain, lost... all were there. People are passing by and I was struggling, alone... I really felt myself not worthy of anything anymore. And then, when Derek got up and started running again, I found myself saying, "Yes Lord... I will not quit!" I want to continue running, and finish the race. And I know that my Father is running with me, giving me support and strength.

Note: About the role of leadership, I'm still not confident to myself as in whether I'm able to lead, what I can give etc. But I know, God's the One who's providing me with all those, and I came to know 1 thing: I want to do it. So how? hmm..

Yes! I really love the way God uses BBTC to bless me, to shape me. God.. I am now excited again to experience all that You're gonna do in my life. Help me Lord that this won't be just an overnight fire, but may this be something that stays in me that sustain my desire and excitement to seek You and grow in deeper knowledge of You.