Xin qing hao... down...
Actually not only today. It has been since Saturday.
Very hard to bear this feeling. Really feel like giving up and make a harsh decision to go home and be with Pa n Mi (though it's actually not the way also, since it will then create another worry for them). But on Saturday (or Sunday) I prayed this, that God, if this is a prompt from God, God please do it another way to convince me to go home, I don't want to make a 'chong dong' decision which is just out of my emotion and 'xiang tai duo'.
Two things were really bothering me throughout last weekend:
1. Fear of losing dad.
All this while, felt a bit weird why I'm feeling worse and worse about my being away from home. Finally, on Saturday I realized that actually my biggest fear that caused all this bad feeling is the fact that Dad's getting older and I have not been able to spend time with him. I found myself crazily asking God to give Pa n Mi long life until I get married and do whatever I'm supposed to do and seen by them, and opportunity for me to spend a lot a lot of times being with them, staying and living together with them, seeing them everyday for a period of time before they finally return to God.
And I guess, this is also one of the reasons why I sometimes got so frustrated seeing the time flies. Because the older I get, means the older Pa and Mi are too, and also mean the time I spent being not with them is more and more, and the time left for me to spend with them are getting less.
God... hao xing ku arrh...
2. That pressure
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