I'm sorry, God...

Feeling such a failure.. I mean, as a Christian who's supposed to make people see Christ, as a servant of God who's supposed to represent God and His love in this world. Feeling teribly lousy... feel 'kui cian le Shang Di', feel unworthy to serve.. I mean, what's the meaning I serve God here and there, busy here and there, but people don't like you, people see you as a hypocrite.. isn't it worse? Oh.. I'm sorry God, if I've shamed Your name..
But I also don't want to let this feeling hinder me from serving the Lord, if it's only me who's too sensitive, 'xiang tai duo'.

But God, if it is, it is true that I've been a stumbling block for people surrounding me, I am sorry, God.. forgive me.. and help me and teach me, change me, transform me into being like You more each day, that others may see You in me, to be of a good testimony. My character, yes, my character to be a spirit-led temperament and character.

Pls remove my unpeacefullness, God... Yes, whether I'm worthy or not to serve You, it's not justified or determined by people and how they look at me. It is Yo, Lord... Because I'm righteous not because of what I've done, but because You made me so, tho I don't deserve to be. So consecrate me, help me be holy, worthy of God's servant. Help me to stay focused on You, holding and seeing loosely all others' opinion, but holding tightly only onto You, loving You more, pray more, worship more, read bible more, thirst after You more, serve You more, obey You more, share Gospel more!

Up to this point, I guess, I kinda get what God wants me to focus more at in regards with my life: My Worship Life! A whole life worship. Not only in music and songs, but in every aspect of my life, worshipping God, behaving as a God's worshipper. Romans 12:1-2. Have Your mercy on me, once again Lord, would You??

Help me, Lord.. not to 'zai hu' that people dun understand my 'xin yi', dun appreciate, and even many times misunderstand me. Because You know... yes, this 'wei qu' You know, this lonely struggle You know, how hard I've tried to love them, You know, how I did all I did only because I love them, because I care for them, You know... so, I'm gonna say, It's okay...