Frank's blog about Integrity

This is sooo true, and Yes, I want to be in it, by God's grace. Change me, Lord...

This was what Frank wrote:

"Integrity, honesty, responsibility. I begin to put a post-it note on my steering wheels with those words written on there. I am the first one to confess I have the flaky, full of excuses tendancy in me, but now I am going to put a stop to it.
Let’s learn to say no, when we can’t commit to something, instead of “maybe” “i’ll let yo know.” Let’s learn to be commited to the things we have promised, even if it means dragging your lazy ass out of bed and put on a smile for your friend.
I have the confidence that as I change my lifestyle, not only will my social life improve, but also in my career.
Just watch, those who live a lifestyle with Integrity, honesty, responsibility, will outshine those who don’t. Are you in with me?"

Yes, Lord... Burn them away...

Daily Office, Week 2 Day 4 - Midday / Evening Prayer

Yes, Lord... Burn them away... The selfishness, self-centeredness, jealousy, fakeness, pretense, impatience, and all the "other motives" behind why I do things I do.
Save me from the poison that flows in my veins, from that which keeps me from your Light.
Fill me with You like a sponge is filled with water, and may I continue soak myself in You.
Transform me... make me over into my true self, the way You originally intended me to be.
I want to be my true self, God... But I don't know how... I need You!

Not liked....

Terribly feeling not being liked right now... especially by my housemates...

I'm sorry, God... I'm such a failure...

I don't know... but their little 'fakeness' just make me can't help but to see that they don't like me. Or am I being suspicious? But I guess my emotional unhealthiness could've been 1 of the reason I've failed to shine...

God... helppp....

BBTC Breakthrough Weekend

Back from BBW!

Really thank God for meeting me and revealing things and Himself to me in such a way.. personal, direct, piercing, but yet sooo gentle, tender and loving. It's comforted me so much that He affirmed me that He loves and still loves no matter how I had become. Even when I thought I'd never deserve to encounter Him in such a tangible way, He gave that to me. And it just awed and humbled me to be loved by a God so high. Such a person like me, He cares and wants to meet me such personally.. ohh.. who am I to deserve all these?

So, now I know:

My God is sooo real not only to others but also to me

I am loved by a God so high

HE IS ALLKNOWING! I am naked!

When God wants to work and deals with me, avoid also no use :)

His agenda is better than any agenda I could think of. Because He knows what I need better than myself does.

I felt like a stranger once I came home... I don't know what's that, but it's weird. But when I told Jac bout this, she said she felt the same also. So, I'm normal, haha...

And, dunno why... Tho I feel new, but I'm feeling a bit burdened or troubled. I really dunno what's wrong and what is this all about, but I've learned to trust God. Trust Him for what He wants to reveal to me and not what I want Him to reveal to me... Trust Him to deal with me in His way and not in the way I want and wish Him to use. So, God... I'll trust You to reveal to me what this 'troubled' is all about, and help me to surrender and be open to any thing you're going to work in this stubborn clay.

I'm quite nervous and start feeling the toughness the journey ahead will be. God... don't let me fail, don't let me hold back, don't let me give up, don't let me let myself block the breaktrough.

In Jesus Name, who has overcome ALL when He said "It is done!"

Amen

This broken wings had been healed, and now it's time to re-learn to fly...

Tho this way is still not clear and certain, but I know that He is leading in a clear and certain way.. and He'll also do that in my way

This "One Life" is not going to be wasted anymore...

Julia is feeling unfit

Julia is really in an unfit condition to be an encouragement for others, for her A&C partners :(((
(Well.. just because I don't want to post it in my FB, so I post it here...)

Dunno how to describe it.. but... I myself is so 'not well'.. how to be an encouragement for others? I'm strengthless... suddenly I want to become nobody... I want to hide...

You lai le...

This feeling's overwhelming me again: "What actually am I doing???"
I think I really have a big problem with my life destination. It has been yearsss!!! And now, I really can't find any significant value in the life I'm living now. It's just like earning for living and watching my days pass one day after another... wasted days...

God... I really need to get out of this loop... I don't think this is how my life's supposed to be rite?

I want...

Apple... I got it!

So, after getting my Macbook Pro which arrived early April (actually cleared the cash somewhere in Nov 2010), last nite I went to re-contract my starhub line n decided to get the 16GB iPhone 3GS paying SGD538 - 100 (voucher from Starhub) = SGD438 :)

Took the cheapest data plan which originally priced at SGD38/mth, but got 30% off every month. Well, another story in getting this 30% off, haha..

So Starhub is having this Multi-Mobile Saver promotion which allows you to enjoy 30% off subscription fee if 3 of you sign up together (maximum 1 re-contract), so basically I need 2 more people who were signing up new lines together with me. The process of finding took a while including asking friends and colleagues around. Then Silvy suggested me to find from forums, which I tried. So, I posted up this info in some forum like hardware zone and another one (can't remember the name). After a few days, someone who saw my post sms-ed me telling me he and his cousin were signing up. But I couldn't go on the day they intended to go because I haven't got my voucher, so they went ahead without me. I was still trusting God to provide, and few days after that someone contacted me telling that he wanted to sign up. So I asked Kotin whether she has decided (she was still doing research previously) and she said yes, she was ready to sign up. There it goes... that was Wednesday nite. I had to attend Financial Freedom Seminar on Thursday nite, CG on Friday nite, Faith's hen's nite on Saturday nite, Choir on Sunday and Iris' birthday after the 2nd service, so we made appointment to meet at Tampines Mall Starhub at 5.30pm. He's James, quite a nice guy :) So, I got the iPhone ^^
Btw, on Friday, the newspapers were telling news about the new generation of iphone, iphone 4GS (HD) going to be released soon, somewhere in June/July.. wakkss.. got confuse for a while whether or not to still take the iphone 3GS now. Asked around (including Tony, Barry, Bren), and actually still haven't decided when approaching Starhub, but since that guy has been waiting for me to sign up, didn't feel good to cancel lah... So, thinking that later when the new iphone first released, it will surely be more expensive whcih I may not be able to afford, and usually new release is cmmonly not so stabil, huh??! well, at least for electronics :)

Pheww... and I was telling myself this morning: No more big expense or shopping plss.. at least in this month, except the following:
1. Dress for Faith's wedding
2. Watches for Pa & Mi
3. Flight to Skw.

I must make sure also that during BBW in Malaysia, I don't shop :)

In the bus I was praying, and I thanked God for His grace that I can afford buying macbook n iphone. But I was asking God to help me that I will guard the resources that He's given to me well and wisely that I will only spend as necessary and don't become a spendthrift person :)

I think, there should be no more purchase of gadget (tertiary need) this year.

Bu Shi Mei You Jia

They are out there for Gospel sake. But what bout me???

www.biblestudytools.com

We discussed about 1 John 5:6 about Jesus who came not only by water but by water and blood yesterday in cellgroup. So I was trying to search for some commentaries and found this powerful website: www.biblestudytools.com which also then led me to www.crosswalkradio.com

Wonderful... :)

Getting%20Lost%20by%20Walking%20Forward%20

Getting%20Lost%20by%20Walking%20Forward%20

Single-Minded (Part 2)

God's not demanding. He doesn't want to take from us, He wants to give to us. But when our hands are cluttering so many things that clutter our lives, He cannot give.

So, I surrender all, God...

Detoxify my soul

Single-hearted pursuit of the things of God

My heart to be completely Yours...

yi dian dian (a little bit)

You yi dian dian xiao chi chu (small jealousy), xiao shang xin (small sadness), xiao xin suan (small sour heart), since bumping into her last Sunday... silly me, haha...

Compassion

Read Gracy's blog n found it very reminding and it's very 'me'.

Here's what she said:
"I tend to have less compassion in the areas where i have more strength.
And yet, Jesus who is perfect has compassion over my struggles, over my darkness, over all areas of my life.
compassion...
love the people and walk with them from where they are, not where we think they should be, but where they are."

And I went, "yeaa..."

Precious Corner

Listening to "Precious Corner" (Zui Zheng Gui De Jiao Luo) by SOP, and suddenly I realize that I don't know whom that 'precious corner' refer to anymore... I don't have it anymore... and God, I want...

Single-Minded

I was listening to Edmun Chan's sermon "Single Minded" on my way back home yesterday. So I was very convicted that I've been in that category of a double-minded Christian. Somehow, on fire for God, but double-minded; simply want God but also any other things.

And having realizing this, I guess my greatest need of life in my this point of life is: To be a single-minded christian, to focus on and pursuing that of the things of the Kingdom of God, things that really matter. Only then, my whole life will be changed. Direction will be there, excitement will be there, passion will be there. Forgive me, Lord, for my double-mindedness all these while, and please help me to train my eyes to focus on You and Your things only.

Matthew 622
"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

In it's original language, it's actually "if your eyes are single" (which is stated in KJV).

Another quote that I got from e sermon was:
"Not to have is alright, because I'd rather have it in God's time" [Edmund Chan]

Excited to listen to the next half of the sermon later on the way going home again...
Speak to me, Lord...

Mentor?

This was what I wrote on Sun, 21 Feb 10 nite, when I was lying on my bed, about to sleep but had a terrible sleeplessness.

I think I need a mentor. Because it's really not healthy of me to keeping everything by myself. And I'm not a type who can easily and comfortably telling things to anyone.This keeping things by myself all these while has really shown its symptoms. Sometimes out of sudden I could just feel sooo heavy burdened (like now) that I could hardly breathe and heart beat increases. It's like too many things inside me and it's going to explode.
And I think this need become more necessary as I'm starting a role as a leader. Even now I've started seeing how not easy being a a leader is. When Sue told me how angry n upset she is over her family situation, it really ached my heart badly too, and also brought back all those similar experience that I had before.

I dunno whether this' just a thought or something that I really have to work on, as in, I dunno how ready I am to be mentored and to have a mentor. But yes, I guess I'm gonna put down myself, seek help and be helped, and learn to share out the real me, to a mentor? or may be just to someone whom God sends to me. So, I shared this with the prayer group last nite (my first time joining them - HC, Joy, Jac, Nic, Sue). As I was sharing, I came to realize too that my unstability and uncertainties til now are partly because of that too, because I have no one to talk too, to advise me, to help me see from another angle.

Our God is Far Greater

“Our God is far greater than words can make known,
Exalted and holy, He reigns on His throne.
In infinite splendor He rules over all;
Yet He feeds the poor sparrows, and He knows when they fall.

He rides the wild heavens, He strides thro’ the seas;The high mountains tremble to hear His decrees.
His voice with great thunderings sounds from above;
But to His own children He whispers His love.

His power is great and will ever endure,
His wisdom is peaceable, gentle, and pure.
But greater than all these glories I see,
Is the glorious promise that He cares for me.”

[Can't find the title, author of this song]

Rumor... Is it necessary?

A reminder to myself and whoever reading this:

Ketika tergoda untuk menyebarkan cerita buruk tentang orang lain, pertimbangkanlah: Apakah cerita itu benar? Apakah itu berguna? Apakah itu menggugah semangat? Apakah itu perlu? Apakah itu baik? Jika tidak, lebih arif apabila kita menutup mulut.

[When we are tempted to spread a rumour (something bad bout others), consider this: Is the story true? Is it useful? Is it encouraging? Is it necessary? Is it good? If not, it's wiser to shut our mouth]

APABILA ANDA TIDAK MENYEBARKAN FITNAH ORANG LAIN TIDAK AKAN DAPAT MENERUSKANNYA --Charles Swindoll

[IF YOU DON'T SPREAD RUMOUR ABOUT OTHERS, OTHERS WON'T BE ABLE TO PASS IT ON - Charles Swindoll]

sooo missing Papa and Mommy :((

I'm supposed to blog bout our Vietnam trip, but right now all in my mind is I'm sooo missing Papa and Mommy... Feeling sooo lonely right here right now!
I've always had this bad feeling of wanting to stay with them, but just dunno how, no way to do it... arrrgg...

Beautiful Christian Woman

A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.

[A quote sent by Rachel Yong]

Stubborn...

I really think that I'm so stubborn and I can't think of any reason why God can still be patience with me. But God.. sometimes I just dunno how to "decide" and start with action, not only saying yes.

Jesus, I will not quit!

I just wanna thaaank God for feeding me with so much grace, creating (or rather reviving) the confidence in me, not of myself, but of Him, of His love again this beginning of year. I believe that this is gonna mark my year-start and by God's grace continue running this year better than last year. Thaaank You, God...

I just realized that I've been so hopeless, shameful, discouraged, disappointed with myself, especially in my spiritual life, and of course that 'lost-ness' in life. I felt everything's just gone. Even the talents that I used to think as God-given to me were also gone as I disobeyed Him and His will again and again. I literally lost everything... lost confidence, lost direction, lost passion, almost loosing hope, then...

1. Ps Benny Ho's sermon on Sunday, 17 Jan 2010 (Hope for the Hopeless)

My hope is in the God of hope! Not in myself, not in my strength to please Him (that fails again and again), not even in my faith, but in Him! So, who am I to lose hope? Oh.. there's still hope for me.. to be spiritually revived again, to be used by Him again, to be drawn near to Him again. Yes, there's hope...

Romans 5:13
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow
with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Note: was supposed to tell Joy a deadline for me to answer her regarding being A&C leader after the service. I was almost wanting to say "No" right away, seeing how I'm doing as a Christian, seeing how my relationship with God had become. But after the sermon, I was so excited to see what God's going to do in my life this year that I changed my answer to "let's see how I'm improving in 3 months. Reason being, I don't want to lead out of myown emptiness"

2. Asher Tribe Gathering today, 29 Jan 2010 Exhortation by Tuck Leh

Watching the video below, when Derek was struggling with the pain, I really saw myself in it: hopeless, sin, strengthless, disappointed with myself, lonely, pain, lost... all were there. People are passing by and I was struggling, alone... I really felt myself not worthy of anything anymore. And then, when Derek got up and started running again, I found myself saying, "Yes Lord... I will not quit!" I want to continue running, and finish the race. And I know that my Father is running with me, giving me support and strength.

Note: About the role of leadership, I'm still not confident to myself as in whether I'm able to lead, what I can give etc. But I know, God's the One who's providing me with all those, and I came to know 1 thing: I want to do it. So how? hmm..

Yes! I really love the way God uses BBTC to bless me, to shape me. God.. I am now excited again to experience all that You're gonna do in my life. Help me Lord that this won't be just an overnight fire, but may this be something that stays in me that sustain my desire and excitement to seek You and grow in deeper knowledge of You.

Ni ming bai ma?

Forsaking all (far from family etc...) but without any achievement, without anything significant... zhi zhong xin qing, ni ming bai ma? Wo ming bai...

You Can, because He Can

You Can, Because He Can

I know that You can do everything, And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You. Job 42:2 NKJV

You can ask the Lord
because He will not give you a wrong answer.
You can wait upon the Lord
because His timing is always perfect.
You can trust in the Lord
because He makes no mistakes.
You can hope in the Lord
because He holds your future.
You can rest in the Lord
because He is in control of your life.
You can lean upon the Lord
because He is completely faithful.

(Meet Me in the Meadow - by Roy Lessin)

Sad... what can I do to relieve?

I am sooo sad with so many things... but I dunno what to do... suddenly feel so helpless, dunno what can I do to ease this sadness...
Things seem to have no way out... oh God.. help me know that You will make a way... You will give miracle and surprise in a way I never thought of...
And God... not too long, pls... :((

I am so sad

I wrote this on 5th Jan, and til now.

I am so sad... because:
1. I am stuck spritually! I am so disappointed with myself in term of my spiritual life.
2. I am lost! Dunno what's next. Really lost my direction.
3. I wanna live and be with Pa and Mi, but I dunno how.
4. Lid have unhappinesses towards me. I've become her stumbling block.
5. Some one I'm closest to in this house, my roommate and my good friend, the only person I can tell some of my 'xin shi' to (if not all) is leaving. Now I'm even more alone...
6. Need to find a good roommate.
And lastly, Mi's chasing me about 'that'. Wo hao fan ah... frustrated...