Penyertaan-Mu sempurna, rancangan-Mu b'ri damai
Aman dan sejahtera, walau di tengah badai
Ingin 'ku s'lalu bersama rasakan keindahan
Arti kehadiran-Mu Tuhan...
2 days ago (19/05) was exactly 2 months since I started working in Value Plus - a very unexpected happening, but I truly know that it was not by coincidence at all, but was arranged in such a way by my Creator, my Planner - ending all those ~desperation, exhausting, never-ending unclaritiness, frustration, and so on...~ moments. Well... still desiring to go somewhere else, though (such a 'never-satisfied' me, huh? Hehe...). Don't know why I always wish I could go overseas(well.. though now I'm oversea,haha... I mean.. to western country - USA... my dream!!! haha...); but in time being, I know, God has His very purpose on putting me here NOW. So, what I know is just: I am here NOW, by God's grace, may I fulfill the purpose He assigns me to be here now. In future, where am I gonna be, what am I gonna do, I know it's all already in Your 'organizer', Lord, but... may I...?? ;p
Upon arrival, grace upon grace have I received, that really make me say: "How can I not give thanks?" After having opportunity to serve Papa during his sickness (I really cherish this "opportunity" - I call it), and spending sometimes (though just 1 week) at home, then on 17/03 (Saturday), I left Singkawang to Kuching. I can call it a miracle that after having travel-sickness, I didn't get bad my "pasca-mabok" as I usually had. God knows that I need health :) Arriving at Pleasant Court, Ming Ngi and Suh Chee picked me up to their house, as Su Fen was not in Kuching at that time. I had a good rest there (well... with quite a bad homesick) and stayed overnite there. The next day, they even sent me for shopping and paid for my daily needs. Oh God... what a precious gift from You they are. Until now, they are one of those angels around me, providing me with care, laughter, encouragement, and accompaniment.
After that, moved to Pleasant Court, staying with Su Fen, a good sister of mine, don't know how to describe, but all this while, she and Julian have been so helpful in almost every area of my needs, especially in the beginning of my days in Value Plus. Had great time while staying there for 1 month, that when I moved out, missed her badly (in fact, we still meet each other everyday in office, haha...). Well... may be because of her care which is more of a sister' care rather than a friend-care, the chit-chat we had all the time (sorry for causing your late sleep, sis...), the heart-stories, family stories, miss you, jie jie... (hahaha... that's how I call her lately)
Just on that very nite, the nite before I was suppose to start my first day in Value Plus, had a very stressing time as well, knowing that the contract would be 2 years. Well... write about this later, another story :)
Andy, Silvy, Su Fen of course, and other colleaques who are really more than friendly, helpful, and nice, were one of the mean that God used to convince me to stay, I think. Even until now, I really give thanks for them.
Even then, Thai ce (Yennie) invited me to stay in her house. Well, I do pay (though she at first resisted it), but it's still far far cheaper than if I am to rent a place. Besides, I can go to work with them.
Oh God, what can these all be, if it's not Your grace, and blessings, and arrangement?
My thousand tongues won't be enough to thank You, my precious Father....
Monday, May 21, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
Happy Mother's Day
Happy Mother's Day...
Hm... First time 'treat' mum a dinner for Mother's Day, felt so great... Thanks God for this opportunity. Mum was here since Friday for the ministry in Ling Liang though she was not the one who preach this morning, but her friend coming from Singapore (Ou Ling yi yi) was. Spent a great time with mum and the rest of them. Saturday, after office, went for lunch with them, then taught the children choir. They didn't do very well, i felt so sorry that i got angry with them. But after that apologized to God. Then went to see some resort in Santubong and Damai, and ended with a seafood dinner at Palm Garden. After that, went to Saberkas, had a car ride with Hok ko.. then teh tarik in Water Front.. Yummyyyy... :D
One more time, God reminded me.. "It's not by my might and ability" The children did quite badly the day before, but after the prayer, this morning they did very well in the choir. We had a little, but meaningful celebration of mother's day.
On Friday itself, was strengthen by mum's sharing in the prayer meeting. God... I really want to be like mum. For I know, that's how you want me to be. I'm still very far away from that stage, from that pure heart and integrity in serving you.But I know, it's all by Your Grace.
Mum... I know all your hardships, deeds, and perseverence. Thank You for never give up on me. Thank You God, for this parents of mine... It's really a great grace being their daughter.
Hm... First time 'treat' mum a dinner for Mother's Day, felt so great... Thanks God for this opportunity. Mum was here since Friday for the ministry in Ling Liang though she was not the one who preach this morning, but her friend coming from Singapore (Ou Ling yi yi) was. Spent a great time with mum and the rest of them. Saturday, after office, went for lunch with them, then taught the children choir. They didn't do very well, i felt so sorry that i got angry with them. But after that apologized to God. Then went to see some resort in Santubong and Damai, and ended with a seafood dinner at Palm Garden. After that, went to Saberkas, had a car ride with Hok ko.. then teh tarik in Water Front.. Yummyyyy... :D
One more time, God reminded me.. "It's not by my might and ability" The children did quite badly the day before, but after the prayer, this morning they did very well in the choir. We had a little, but meaningful celebration of mother's day.
On Friday itself, was strengthen by mum's sharing in the prayer meeting. God... I really want to be like mum. For I know, that's how you want me to be. I'm still very far away from that stage, from that pure heart and integrity in serving you.But I know, it's all by Your Grace.
Mum... I know all your hardships, deeds, and perseverence. Thank You for never give up on me. Thank You God, for this parents of mine... It's really a great grace being their daughter.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
After a Long Journey
Thank You, my dear Lord...
That's all I can say. Yeah... after long long journey, now i'm back to here. God's been guiding and arranging in such a way that this is where i'm suppose to be - at least for now-. Quite a long story also, why i eventually end up here. There'll be stories to come ^^ Since Dad was sick a month ago, haven't been bloging till now. But it was really a privilege and opportunity from God for me to serve Papa while he was sick, to let him know that i really love him.
Just complete 1 week being in Value Plus. Well, the nite before, and the first day working was really a hard time that again, made me think "am i making a rite decision?" But again, God guided in such a way that i know "Yes, it is.." I don't know what about days, months, years to come. But i just know, when i'm given today, then i'll just walk for today path. The rest, God's in control. Thank You Lord... What a special privilege being your child.\
Today, had quite a bad homesick. Now having headache as well, and felt like having influenza.
Mum came on Friday, taking people to see doctor and preach this morning. then left on 4pm in the afternoon. came home, alone, so lonely.. then with a bit headache and tired, went to sleep, but couldn't sleep well also... Missing u..dad and mum....
Tomorrow might be assigned with fault reports.. feel a bit nervous and scared, but Wo kao zhe na jia gei wo li liang de, fan shi dou neng zuo.... Yes... Zhu Ni gen wo zhou, wo hai pa shen me na??
That's all I can say. Yeah... after long long journey, now i'm back to here. God's been guiding and arranging in such a way that this is where i'm suppose to be - at least for now-. Quite a long story also, why i eventually end up here. There'll be stories to come ^^ Since Dad was sick a month ago, haven't been bloging till now. But it was really a privilege and opportunity from God for me to serve Papa while he was sick, to let him know that i really love him.
Just complete 1 week being in Value Plus. Well, the nite before, and the first day working was really a hard time that again, made me think "am i making a rite decision?" But again, God guided in such a way that i know "Yes, it is.." I don't know what about days, months, years to come. But i just know, when i'm given today, then i'll just walk for today path. The rest, God's in control. Thank You Lord... What a special privilege being your child.\
Today, had quite a bad homesick. Now having headache as well, and felt like having influenza.
Mum came on Friday, taking people to see doctor and preach this morning. then left on 4pm in the afternoon. came home, alone, so lonely.. then with a bit headache and tired, went to sleep, but couldn't sleep well also... Missing u..dad and mum....
Tomorrow might be assigned with fault reports.. feel a bit nervous and scared, but Wo kao zhe na jia gei wo li liang de, fan shi dou neng zuo.... Yes... Zhu Ni gen wo zhou, wo hai pa shen me na??
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Another 'confusion'
Many things happened in these 2 days. While I've been struggling with my confusion of whether to wait for the job in dcOptima or just go to Sing, suddenly on Tuesday, something happened to Ce and her husband, which really sadden me as well. Something that relate to my family. Right away, it became another 'factor' that came into the list of 'to be considered' (in my job-seeking case). On that very day also, I 'almost' made up my mind to go to Sing. But still, there are fear for that decision. The fear that I'll spend another period of time being jobless in Sing (which of course means spending more). But, seems that it's the only solution.
Before, 'money' is not really a matter for me in looking for job. But now, it's been quite an 'up' one in the list of considerations.
Then, while I was 'almost' ended up in that 'decision', a call from dcOptima came telling me that I am to attend the meeting with the client-side team in Bintaro. Oh God.... I'm so confuse. I'm really afraid that I'll end up in a wrong decision of mine. In one side, I wondered, if God let this problem happen to ensure me to make up my mind to leave for SIng. But in another hand, it seems that when I almost 'reach' that decision, something came to 'block' that decision to be made. Till now, I haven't known yet how I should go to that place (Bintaro) tomorrow. I have no way... I can just surrender, God... totally... No way seems to be right and possible for me to take. Not dcOptime, nor Singapore.
Then last nite, got a call, Dad's sick and is in Hospital. Up to here, I can't even think anymore. My brain really needs to stop. Don't know which one I should think of first. God... now I'm really relying on You alone. Coz You know, God... Even myself, I can trust her anymore... What Sand said is true, sometimes God does create such a situation to make us realize that it's the time when "we can't rely to anyone, anything else anymore. Lian zi ji dou bu neng kao le..."
Now I'm so 'blank'. Don't know what to think, what to decide, even how to think, I don't know.... What I can say now is just... God... please help me....
Before, 'money' is not really a matter for me in looking for job. But now, it's been quite an 'up' one in the list of considerations.
Then, while I was 'almost' ended up in that 'decision', a call from dcOptima came telling me that I am to attend the meeting with the client-side team in Bintaro. Oh God.... I'm so confuse. I'm really afraid that I'll end up in a wrong decision of mine. In one side, I wondered, if God let this problem happen to ensure me to make up my mind to leave for SIng. But in another hand, it seems that when I almost 'reach' that decision, something came to 'block' that decision to be made. Till now, I haven't known yet how I should go to that place (Bintaro) tomorrow. I have no way... I can just surrender, God... totally... No way seems to be right and possible for me to take. Not dcOptime, nor Singapore.
Then last nite, got a call, Dad's sick and is in Hospital. Up to here, I can't even think anymore. My brain really needs to stop. Don't know which one I should think of first. God... now I'm really relying on You alone. Coz You know, God... Even myself, I can trust her anymore... What Sand said is true, sometimes God does create such a situation to make us realize that it's the time when "we can't rely to anyone, anything else anymore. Lian zi ji dou bu neng kao le..."
Now I'm so 'blank'. Don't know what to think, what to decide, even how to think, I don't know.... What I can say now is just... God... please help me....
1st Chinese New Year in Jakarta
Supposed to greet everyone Happy Chinese New Year (not too late still, huh?) This' the first year 'really' being away from 'home' for CNY. Well.. though not being in Skw for CNY twice, but it was in Kg. Jering (Grandma's house), so still 'my home' right? ^ ^ This time in sister's house. It was really a different CNY, didn't really feel the 'Qi Fen' of CNY. It was just like the other ordinary days. New Year Eve, missed Dad & Mum, home, Skw, and Ipoh so much.
But 1 glad thing is that I could spend my CNY with 'ministry' still. (for me, to serve in God's field is a "priviledge"). Played keyboard in both KU1&KU2, felt so good. Then came home, though everybody's left to relatives' house, I felt so OK. Yep, that's the meaningful life. Then, still manage to join them to people's house, got some angpaos..haha... thanks God.. for His great providence.. then at nite, went out with those 'wifes' (my sis, peng, ci lia, yen) haha... learned a lot from them, for my future of course ^ ^
Then on the next day, went to Sian Ce's house in Jemb. 5 with Sand. (Thanks a lot, Sand.. I had a great time). After that, chatted with him for quite a while... about life... about 'our' life. Seems that we have so many similarities in 'treating' life, and sometimes it included Deni as well. Den, Sand, and me.... the 'similar' creatures of God... haha... But through the conversation, many things that suddenly just popped out on my mind, of the things and the blessings I learned/get during the 'process'. Thank You, God.. Thank you, Sand.. for reminding me of many positive things.
But 1 glad thing is that I could spend my CNY with 'ministry' still. (for me, to serve in God's field is a "priviledge"). Played keyboard in both KU1&KU2, felt so good. Then came home, though everybody's left to relatives' house, I felt so OK. Yep, that's the meaningful life. Then, still manage to join them to people's house, got some angpaos..haha... thanks God.. for His great providence.. then at nite, went out with those 'wifes' (my sis, peng, ci lia, yen) haha... learned a lot from them, for my future of course ^ ^
Then on the next day, went to Sian Ce's house in Jemb. 5 with Sand. (Thanks a lot, Sand.. I had a great time). After that, chatted with him for quite a while... about life... about 'our' life. Seems that we have so many similarities in 'treating' life, and sometimes it included Deni as well. Den, Sand, and me.... the 'similar' creatures of God... haha... But through the conversation, many things that suddenly just popped out on my mind, of the things and the blessings I learned/get during the 'process'. Thank You, God.. Thank you, Sand.. for reminding me of many positive things.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
I'm Sorry.. God...
Mon, 13 Feb '07 10.52am
God.. I'm sorry, I'm like this again. But I really run out of that 'spirit'. I am so exhausted, strengthless to fight against my feelings anymore.
It's been ages since I never wake up with a right heart attitude (with hope, "Qi Dai"). Never woke up with a "looking forward" feeling. But everyday I woke up with questions "what am I doing here?", "Why do I end up like this?", "When will this moments end?", "What should I do today?", and many more.. And today "Being far away from parents, and yet doing nothing here, without any purpose.. Oh God.. What on earth am I here for?" What is this all about, Lord... Who can really understand this kind of feeling of mine???
P.S. And at the end of this post, Den.. you know that you're 'normal' :)
God.. I'm sorry, I'm like this again. But I really run out of that 'spirit'. I am so exhausted, strengthless to fight against my feelings anymore.
It's been ages since I never wake up with a right heart attitude (with hope, "Qi Dai"). Never woke up with a "looking forward" feeling. But everyday I woke up with questions "what am I doing here?", "Why do I end up like this?", "When will this moments end?", "What should I do today?", and many more.. And today "Being far away from parents, and yet doing nothing here, without any purpose.. Oh God.. What on earth am I here for?" What is this all about, Lord... Who can really understand this kind of feeling of mine???
P.S. And at the end of this post, Den.. you know that you're 'normal' :)
Happy Valentine
Again... this' supposed to be posted yesterday, but no internet line. So this' actually what I wrote in my diary yesterday.
Happy Valentine, Jia Yun (and everyone who read this, my Sai Mui, of course). I love you.. God loves you even more, far far beyond what you could think of. He loves you, cares for you, 'n understands you more than anyone in life. ~> and I love You so, my God...
Watched "Smile Pasta" 'til 2am again. Argghh... Jia Yun.. is this your life?? What kinda life is this? Anyway, really impressed by Xiao Shi's "Wu Gui Jing Shen" (Spirit of Tortoise). I am the winner as long I reach the finish. "Dan Chuen".. yep, that's what I wanna be. A woman of Integrity.
All these while I have been "bao bei" for many; special friends, people in GSRI, the youths, mom's gank, friends in Kch, tree cell 3, and especially... Mum&Dad. Who on earth who doesn't know that I am a "bao bei" and most beloved of Papa? But... seems that I am really disappointing. Now I'm really unworthy to carry that "bao bei" title on me. I'm sorry Dad.. Mum..
I really want and wish I could visit many people who's meant so much in my life, but I really have no "face" to face them. I'm not ready at all to respond to their "hello, how r u?", "what r u doing now?", "where do you work?", bla3 questions. Name them Ms. Chung (my EIP lecturer 'sister', tree cell, mum's family, ex-lecturers and staffs, ex-classmates...
God.. please strengthen me. Uphold me, my heart, my thoughts, and my feeling in Your embrace. I can't walk alone, I can't go through all these by myself. I know Your way is the best, and it's not by telling me where I'll end up in. But You want to lead me 'step-by-step', that along the journey, I can learn and grow. I know, God... Just... give me that faith.. and TRUST.
Happy Valentine, Jia Yun (and everyone who read this, my Sai Mui, of course). I love you.. God loves you even more, far far beyond what you could think of. He loves you, cares for you, 'n understands you more than anyone in life. ~> and I love You so, my God...
Watched "Smile Pasta" 'til 2am again. Argghh... Jia Yun.. is this your life?? What kinda life is this? Anyway, really impressed by Xiao Shi's "Wu Gui Jing Shen" (Spirit of Tortoise). I am the winner as long I reach the finish. "Dan Chuen".. yep, that's what I wanna be. A woman of Integrity.
All these while I have been "bao bei" for many; special friends, people in GSRI, the youths, mom's gank, friends in Kch, tree cell 3, and especially... Mum&Dad. Who on earth who doesn't know that I am a "bao bei" and most beloved of Papa? But... seems that I am really disappointing. Now I'm really unworthy to carry that "bao bei" title on me. I'm sorry Dad.. Mum..
I really want and wish I could visit many people who's meant so much in my life, but I really have no "face" to face them. I'm not ready at all to respond to their "hello, how r u?", "what r u doing now?", "where do you work?", bla3 questions. Name them Ms. Chung (my EIP lecturer 'sister', tree cell, mum's family, ex-lecturers and staffs, ex-classmates...
God.. please strengthen me. Uphold me, my heart, my thoughts, and my feeling in Your embrace. I can't walk alone, I can't go through all these by myself. I know Your way is the best, and it's not by telling me where I'll end up in. But You want to lead me 'step-by-step', that along the journey, I can learn and grow. I know, God... Just... give me that faith.. and TRUST.
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