I'm sorry, God...

Feeling such a failure.. I mean, as a Christian who's supposed to make people see Christ, as a servant of God who's supposed to represent God and His love in this world. Feeling teribly lousy... feel 'kui cian le Shang Di', feel unworthy to serve.. I mean, what's the meaning I serve God here and there, busy here and there, but people don't like you, people see you as a hypocrite.. isn't it worse? Oh.. I'm sorry God, if I've shamed Your name..
But I also don't want to let this feeling hinder me from serving the Lord, if it's only me who's too sensitive, 'xiang tai duo'.

But God, if it is, it is true that I've been a stumbling block for people surrounding me, I am sorry, God.. forgive me.. and help me and teach me, change me, transform me into being like You more each day, that others may see You in me, to be of a good testimony. My character, yes, my character to be a spirit-led temperament and character.

Pls remove my unpeacefullness, God... Yes, whether I'm worthy or not to serve You, it's not justified or determined by people and how they look at me. It is Yo, Lord... Because I'm righteous not because of what I've done, but because You made me so, tho I don't deserve to be. So consecrate me, help me be holy, worthy of God's servant. Help me to stay focused on You, holding and seeing loosely all others' opinion, but holding tightly only onto You, loving You more, pray more, worship more, read bible more, thirst after You more, serve You more, obey You more, share Gospel more!

Up to this point, I guess, I kinda get what God wants me to focus more at in regards with my life: My Worship Life! A whole life worship. Not only in music and songs, but in every aspect of my life, worshipping God, behaving as a God's worshipper. Romans 12:1-2. Have Your mercy on me, once again Lord, would You??

Help me, Lord.. not to 'zai hu' that people dun understand my 'xin yi', dun appreciate, and even many times misunderstand me. Because You know... yes, this 'wei qu' You know, this lonely struggle You know, how hard I've tried to love them, You know, how I did all I did only because I love them, because I care for them, You know... so, I'm gonna say, It's okay...

Zhu, wo yao... Breakthrough... Revival...

Ohh.. from deep within, I really realize that I've lost the fire, the passion, the 'heart for God', the heart that cries for His kingdom sake, yeah.. that desperateness for God's work to be done...

God.. I yield to You, "Zhu.. wo yao ni de fu xin lai dao wo shen ming zhong... Zai ci fu xin wo, ying dao wo, si yong wo.. zai ci shi xia ni en dian, lian ming..."

我高舉雙手 - I Give You My All

This song, once again is very relevant to 'xian zai de wo'. Actually, it has always been describing about me.
These few days, have always been thinking (on the way to work, early morning in bus 506): I don't love God enough as yet.. I really long to have the very close and intimate relationship with God, being and living kind of life that's pleasing in His heart, from inside out, but.. I am still struggling and 'striving' so hard with it.
I haven't prayed enough, haven't loved enough, haven't read Bible enough, haven't obeyed enough, haven't lived His will.. No... it's just too far from 'there'. I am not yet a God's lover, or a devoted Christian..

And once again.. I asked God to help me..

God.. forgive me.. and help me be.. help me be... I want to repent.. Repent from my disobedience, from my self-centeredness, from not 'zhuan xin' towards You.

Here's the song:

我高舉雙手
I Give You My All
詞：謝秉哲 Eric Hsieh 曲：游智婷 Sandy Yu
English Translation: SOP & John Liu

我攤開我的雙手
How can I give You a gift
想要給甚麼
That’s worthy of my King
卻一無所有
When all I have is Yours?
我獻上我的身體
How can I give You my life
想報答甚麼
To glorify Your name?
可是卻虧欠那麼多
When my life is weak, You are strong
主卻用溫柔雙手
But You cover me with perfect love
抬起我的頭
Speak the words of peace
輕輕對我說 恩典夠我用
In my weakness, Your grace is enough

﹝副歌﹞
我高舉雙手 觸摸的手
I give You my all, give my everything
倒空生命 只願愛更多
Humble myself to worship You my King
我高舉雙手 願觸摸的手
I give You my all, I give my everything
定睛仰望十架 成我力量
Before Your glory, before my King

Copyright 2009 Stream of Praise Music. CCLI# 5482553
讚美之泉版權所有﹝ 不要放棄 •滿有能力﹞ 我高舉雙手

Looong delayed projects.. *pai seh face*

2010 MUST:
- Piano
- Mandarin
- SOP's Pin Yin Blog
- Finish compile Duane's

Blue Christmas

Have been feeling blue since that saturday night weird sad dream. Have been quite tired recently. But usually, though tired, but if it's due to the busy-ness of practise etc I would still be so energetic. This time is a bit different, veryyy tired.. may be because now older already also lol.. Was really very tired on Sunday, and I think partly because of the dream also that affect my mood, haha.. 'kam tou tak?"

Today, feeling as if as Christmas is nearer, the feeling is even 'bluer', lost in the crowd.

I told God, "God, I don't know why and what kind of feeling is this, but would you remove this and replace it with the joy and peace which is from You, which despites of circumstances?

And, this song meant a lot to me (sang in last Sunday worship) and made me ponder my ups and downs, lonely struggles, and tears that no-one knows throughout this year. For me, the greatest meaning of Christmas this year is: He is with me. Thank You, Jesus...

Intro: Bb Dm7 Eb F
Verse 1:Bb Dm7 Eb FsusTogether in this place of worship Your greatness we proclaim.Bb Dm7 Eb Fsus FWe stand as one in giving You all glory and aclaim.
Prechorus 1: Gm7 Bb CTo You our hearts are open, F Bbto You our hands we raise. Eb Bb Cm7 Fsus FCome take the place of honour in our lives.
Chorus: Eb F Eb FsusEmmanuel our God is with us. Eb FPrince of peace, Mighty One, Eb Fsusthe ever living God.
(x2)Instrumental: Eb F Eb FVerse 2:Bb Dm7 Eb Fsus See the praises of our Saviour rise to open skies.Bb Dm7 Eb Fsus F With the dawning of redemption, Your glory will arise.
Prechorus 2: Gm7 Bb C For You alone are worthy, here inF BbZion You are praised. Our Eb Bb Cm7 Fsus FLord and King forever You will reign.
Chorus: Eb F Eb FsusEmmanuel our God is with us. Eb FPrince of peace, Mighty One, Eb Fsusthe ever living God. (x2)
Coda: Eb F Eb Fsus Eb F Eb Fsus
Prechorus 1: Gm7 Bb CTo You our hearts are open, F Bbto You our hands we raise. Eb Bb Cm7 Fsus FCome take the place of honour in our lives.
Prechorus 2: Gm7 Bb C For You alone are worthy, here inF BbZion You are praised. Our Eb Bb Cm7 Fsus FLord and King forever You will reign.
Chorus: Eb F Eb FsusEmmanuel our God is with us. Eb FPrince of peace, Mighty One, Eb Fsusthe ever living God. (x6)

Disappointed... (Be good?)

So last nite I was very very disappointed by some friend. Despite all my care and being 'sui bian' and all my effort to never say no to help to hers (which most of the time involved sacrifice of time, energy, convenience, money), when I sort of need her help, she easily without hesitate confidently answered, "eehh... I don't want ee... why do i have to...". I tell you, right at that moment, my heart went cold. I mean, the situation was not even certain, it's not even certain that I will need that help. It's only a "if needed" scenario, she just without even thinking, gave me such a respond. In my heart I thought, do I still need to be good to her?

But after I went to my room and ponder upon our conversation and on how my heart reacted to it, it was actually quite a small matter, but dunno why I was really very disturbed and troubled. I could sense it's kinda a trial. It's like, see... people are naturally so selfish and dun care of your needs. Well, they may be very kind and good sometimes, but when it comes to a point that they may need to sacrifice in order to help, that's totally a different story you'll get already. Now, will you still be kind and sacrifice for others?
Oh.. I tell you, I really struggled very hard to tell myself to stop thinking about it (negatively), asking God to prevent me from being affected by it. I guess it was that bad partly because it's a mix of worry and disappointment. I tried very hard to trust God, really... that He'll not let me suffer and will make ways for me. And I realized how lacking of faith I am.

Oh God... forgive me for all my negative thoughts, thoughts to "dun care / boh chap / selfish", and my worrisome. Help me, God... to trust in You, have more faith in You. And I need you to make a way for me (in term of 'that')

Well, I guess the scenario is this:
Yes, when you are doing good to people, at that point of time you were really doing it without expectation of return. But it is when it's your turn needing their help, needing them to be considerate and "wei ni zhao xiang" and the respond that they give is "who cares..." (though not exactly that term, but their answer, action, attitude all represent that), then you'll start comparing all that you've ever done to them and what they do to you in return, and very tempted to feel and say in your heart, "shuan le... what for being so good to others when others only care of themselves? Just care of myself!".

But yeah.. as I mentioned earlier, I did struggle very much not to think this way, and I was reminded of this verse:

And I really hope that this won't affect me and my heart thus causing me to be selfish, self-centered, calculative etc. Be good, kind, generous to others and always wei bie ren zhao xiang no matter what! Do that because Jesus had done so before, because He's still doing that to me even til now, because I love Jesus so I love others, because God will bless me in many other ways. Yeah... it's all about Him, not about me! And yeah.. I really need to know God more and deeper, walk close to Him and know Him in such a way when such thing occur to me again, I can truly say "It doesn't matter.. It's okay" with peace and joy in my heart. By Your grace, Lord...

Make a Certain Breakthrough

And I, speechlessly wept during this song in Sunday service yesterday...

Make A Certain Breakthrough© Ann Chan & Ruth Ling 2006

Verse 1
In my life of searching for the plain and simple way,
Many paths were so winding, the roads were never straight,
Then the Spirit of God broke through and healed my broken wings,
And showed me the way into His heart

Chorus
And I know that God is leading in a clear and certain way,
My one life for your purpose, Jesus, I offer up this day,
To follow you completely, to do all that you say,
Cleanse my life, fill me up, And use me this day,
Make a certain breakthrough, Make it today

Verse 2
In these days of danger, Lord, we rest upon Your grace,
With Your tender and skillful hands, You shape this stubborn clay,
Yes You calm my inmost being, giving courage to hope again,
And to build this one life in power and faith

Lonely..

And btw, I am feeling so lonely now..
It has been really a while when I live by myself (except from God). No one to turn to.. and now when I want to change job, no one to tell to, no one to discuss with..

CBTL 2009

So, last nite was my first time on BBTC's stage, singing with the choir in Come Bless The Lord 2009 - Behold, the King is coming!
It was great...! Told myself to just give my best for GGod, that's the only chance, no time for pai seh or anything else... This privilege deserves only "the best"

Thank You, God.. for the privilege to serve You... even when I so undeserve..

Hectic work weeks

*Started typing this on last Thursday, but didn't manage to finish and post. I'm gonna continue now :)
So I was and am still really thankful for what God's done in me while nobody else kno how stressful and troubled I was during this 2 week. But one thing I learn, though situation is still bad, you can always see God's favor and grace in midst if you choose to set your eyes on them and really acknowledge them.
2 weeks full of my heart yielding to God. Hectic weeks with not only bunch of works delayed previously by XXX's staff and then, when some incident happened, out of their panic, thrown to us to complete, but also pressure from here and there and requests from boss for statistics and records for them to defend before XXX. Stress! That's how I was during those days.
What made me frustrated and fed-up the most is the people from XXX whom I have to deal with. Cowards and double-headed snakes.
Today kinda back to normal. I can more peacefully do my work, scheduling, reporting, doing quotation as per normal. NExt week need to go to XXX to meet those 'childish' people to see their requirement to amend my records in such a way that they can keep track of the faults easily, which I thought is actually their job. What to do? we are a contractor, and they are our act-'king' client.
Despite that I still sin and compromised, when I thought I didn't deserve to receive His favor, He still poured His favor on me. And throughout the 2 weeks of hectic, I could really feel that He was with me. This is what I want to focus at. I am really very thankful that my bosses and Maz, my supervisor, are so understanding and didn't put the blame on me. It is again, ONLY BY GOD'S GRACE.My gratefulness to God made me said this, "I really have to be more radical for Him.. living only for Him"
After all the hectic, I told myself... well... whatever it is.. even if have to be mis-estimated, etc... Don't care so much.. just do my best..
But honestly, I'm kinda unmotivated now... While all those happen, I alwez thought that may be it was something to trigger me to feel the urgency to hunt for a new job, haha..
Note: XXX = name of our client that I'm gonna hide here ^^

My heart

I sometimes like to type my post in a notepad first then copy and paste it to the blog. And just now when I was clearing my 'private' folder in office computer suddenly I found this post that I forgot to post, haha.. I think it was typed on 2 Oct 09.

Dunno why but today I'm really soo overwhelmed by all that's going on in the world recently... the disaster after disaster... Taiwan, Phillipines, Vietnam, Cambodia and especially now, Padang, Indonesia.It's even very hard for me to concentrate on my work today, and feeling soo down.
This time, not only my heart hurts seeing those who suffer, especially the children who lost everything everyone, stood on the road, surrounded by the ruins, under the rain not knowing what to do where to go, but also my heart is troubled. Troubled of the fact that it is so near already.
During the last sessions of DTC class, we had been talking about sharing the gospel, and we are 'required' to intentionally share gospel with at least 2 people before graduating from the course. High Quest is also about sharing the Gospel. And, CBTL is about the second coming of the Lord as King. These all are really wrapped up by the disasters that happen in one month. I guess this is the first time I felt such a strong feeling of urgency to chuan fu ying and feeling very helpless. I even thought if I should stop all my self-achievement aiming, stop working, to fully serve the Lord, helping people, bringing people to Christ.Acchh... if only I have enough courage to decide so..
But anyway, God.. pls do not let this compassion dim and help me know and obey whatever we can do for now.

心靈不打烊 - 故鄉合唱團

Listening to GoodTV's Xin Lin Bu Da Yang. He Rong was interviewing a Taiwan Christian composer and conductor. He said, after being a Christian, there were a lot of self-controlled to be done. Then may be sometimes we will think, then it'll be best if during our youth we can do all the things first (thing that we will not be allowed to do after being Christian), then enough of all those, at age of 20s become Christian and have all those sins forgiven. But for him, he's grateful that he has become a Christian since very young, in his 13. Why? because by that, he can understand problem faced by Christians more. When He Rong asked what's for him the biggest problem a Christian face? He answered, it's when you are spiritually down, troubled, especially if you are a leader, it's very hard for you to tell or let others know. And yep, it's true!, i said in my heart. So by understanding this, he can be a company for those facing this situation. When they are speechless, down in their loneliness, he can be there to understand, care and comfort.

http://www.goodtv.tv/wmvbox.php?filename=ZB190

SMS Berisi Isu Diskriminasi dari Kampung Pecinan

Jawa Pos[ Senin, 05 Oktober 2009 ]
SMS Berisi Isu Diskriminasi dari Kampung Pecinan

HARI keempat pascagempa di Pa­dang mulai diwarnai munculnya isu-isu sensitif dan kabar pen­jarahan yang potensial memper­getir nasib para korban.

Warga Tionghoa yang bermukim di sebuah kampung pecinan di pu­­sat Kota Padang, misalnya, di­ka­­barkan telah menjadi korban dis­­kriminasi dalam hal penangan­an evakuasi dan pembagian bantu­an. Sebuah pesan singkat yang ber­edar dari HP ke HP kemarin, mi­salnya, berbunyi: Tell the world, Stop the donation to West Sumatra!!! Primordialism and racism is happening in there, Chinese people didn't allowed to have food and was forced to buy the food aid. Family of mine was at there!!! Please sent out this massage to the world so they know the true!!! (kata­kan pada dunia, stop bantuan ke Sumatra Barat!!! Primordialis­me dan rasisme terjadi di sana, war­ga Tionghoa tak diperbolehkan mendapatkan makanan dan dipaksa membeli bantuan makanan. Keluargaku di sana!!! Tolong sebarkan pesan ini ke seluruh dunia biar mereka tahu kenyataan ini!!!)

Benar tidaknya kenyataan yang terjadi di kampung Tionghoa dengan isi SMS itu, Sutan Zaili Asril, direktur Padang Ekspres, anak per­usahaan Jawa Pos di Padang semalam memberi penuturan. Dari penga­matannya selama empat hari setelah terjadi gempa, proses evakuasi terhadap korban bencana di Pondok China memang dinilai lambat. Hal itulah yang memicu merebaknya isu pendistribusian bantuan yang tak adil di beberapa tempat, termasuk di kawasan Pecinan.

Padahal, buruknya manajemen dan ketidakberdayaan petugaslah yang sebenarnya terjadi. Di sisi lain, para korban sangat membutuhkan bantuan. Zaili menilai, distribusi bantuan yang diberikan pemkot juga tidak mengarah. "Entah kenapa, kesannya pemerintah cenderung memprioritaskan evakuasi di Hotel Ambacang, LBB Gama, Prayoga, Sigma, maupun LBB Lia. Padahal, evakuasi di Pondok China maupun Pasaraya seharusnya juga menjadi prioritas karena jumlah korbannya sangat banyak," terang Zaili lebih lanjut.

Perlu juga diketahui, situasi lebih memiriskan dulu juga terjadi beberapa hari pascagempa tsunami Aceh pada 2004. Buruknya manajemen penyaluran bantuan dan minimnya pengawasan membuat situasi menjadi bar-bar dan tak terkontrol. Di berbagai tempat di Aceh, waktu itu, para penjarah bahkan sampai tega memotong jari mayat korban tsunami untuk mengambil cincin, anting di ku­ping, dan perhiasan lain.

"Sejak hari pertama gempa, kami belum mendapat bantuan sama sekali," kata Ny Esther, salah seorang warga yang bermukim di Jalan Klenteng. Padahal, lokasi kampung tempat tinggal Esther berada di pusat Kota Padang. Apalagi, rumah wanita 43 tahun itu luluh lantak. Bangunannya tinggal separo, seperti dibelah menjadi dua.

Menanggapi isu sensitif itu, Pe­ng­urus Wilayah Muhammadiyah Jatim Sulton Amin benar-benar sangat prihatin. Menurut dia, hal itu sangat memalukan. Terlebih, per­hatian dunia saat ini juga me­ngarah pada kondisi para korban gempa. ''Jangan sampai relawan asing yang membantu di Padang hengkang sebelum waktunya gara-gara masalah ini,'' ujarnya.

Dia menambahkan, sudah waktunya membuang ego pribadi yang muncul akibat perbedaan suku, agama, ras ,dan warna kulit. Perasaan senasib sebagai warga Indonesia dan sesama korban gempa yang membutuhkan bantuan seharusnya mampu melebur perbedaan itu.

Selain itu, dia mengharapkan seluruh masyarakat tetap tenang dan tidak terprovokasi. Bahkan, dia siap membantu kalau langkah prosedural seperti melaporkan kepada pihak terkait tetap tidak membawa perubahan. ''Langkah terkahir adalah menyerahkan bantuan langsung ke etnis Tionghoa maupun kelompok lain yang didiskriminasikan,'' tegasnya.

Rumors of Anti-Chinese Discrimination Spread in Padang Quake Zone

Rumors of Anti-Chinese Discrimination Spread in Padang Quake Zone
(Jakarta Globe, 5 Oct 09)

Padang. Ethnic Chinese survivors of last week’s earthquake are becoming alarmed about widespread rumors, including some sent by text message, that they are being discriminated against in the distribution of emergency aid.

Whether rumor or fact, word spread across Padang during the weekend that local officials in charge of distributing aid weren’t giving equal attention to Pondok Cina, or Chinatown, where about 80 percent of the homes were destroyed.

Rustam Pakaya, head of the Ministry of Health’s Crisis Center, said his team had been checking areas throughout the city and noted that Chinatown was among the worst-hit.

He said an estimated 21,600 people were in the area when the 7.6-magnitude earthquake struck Padang, the provincial capital of West Sumatra, and the surrounding area. “It’s very bad there,” Rustam said, adding that a search team found 35 bodies in a single house on Friday.

While Rustam couldn’t confirm any examples of discrimination, the claims were a familiar echo of other disasters, including after the 2004 tsunami in Aceh, where ethnic Chinese said they were neglected by aid teams.

Mintarja, head of head of the RW III Kampung Pondok neighborhood, said the area had only received 40 boxes of packaged tea as aid.

“Well, I received this text message suggesting that there has been some discrimination and that we are Chinese, so we can’t get aid,” he said.

“But you know, it’s just a rumor. We have been coordinating very well in the area, so none of us will go hungry. We have a free canteen here and an [aid] post for all of us.”

Priyadi Kardono, a spokesman for the National Disaster Management Agency (BNPB), denied the rumors. “I don’t think there’s discrimination against Chinese people in Padang. This is a disaster and we know that everyone needs the same help and that we will help them all. It doesn’t matter who they are,” Priyadi said.

Meals were being prepared on Jalan Niaga in an emergency kitchen covered by a tarpaulin.

“Yes, I heard the rumors, but we don’t care. We are cooking here, so people can eat. Please come, Chinese or not Chinese, everyone,” said a woman named Marline as she cooked.

Rita Wuliango, a housewife living nearby, has come to the emergency kitchen every day, sometimes donating money for fuel to run a water pump.

“I also take food from the kitchen — it’s free. If I come late and don’t get any, I move to another [aid] post,” she said. “But this kitchen is great. They don’t care if you are Chinese or not. We are people helping each other.”

Padang update

The numbers by The Strait Times Wed 07 Oct 09. Glad that many countries had started volunteering. I'm thinking what I can do, which organization to donate through... Thinking of the possibility of some ppl who might take opportunity to 'steal' some of the money really hurt my heart. Oh Indonesia... Oh God, pls don't let them have any chance to do so, so all the help n money will 100%-ly go to the needies..

Disaster after disaster... End times!

08/08/2009: Taiwan Typhoon Morakot, more than 500 death
: Phillipines Tropical Storm Ketsana causing flood, more than 246 death
29/09/2009: Vietnam Typhoon Ketsana, at least 23 death
29/09/2009: Pacific Ocean Samoan Island,
30/09/2009: Magnitude 7.6 earthquake @ Padang Sumatera Barat, more than 1100 death

And all these happen during the period when we are preparing for the CBTL with the theme the second coming of the Lord and when we were suggested by Jessie to read the book of Revelation to sort of educate ourselves about it. And now, I am really more and more convinced that IT IS SO NEAR!

When it comes to Padang, my heart really cried badly already... Not only my heart goes to those people n children who lost everything, everyone, traumed, and... (I can't even describe it in words whenever I read those news), but also about this: No time anymore... no time anymore... but.. I'm still here???

Btw, summary from World Vision Malaysia:

Children Day breakfast

Stephanie cooked beehon n porridge for our breakfast today. When we asked in what occasion, she said, "Because today is children's day mah, so I cook for all my children lor.." hehe.. she's really truly our nice ATS mother ;)

First Jog @ Bedok Reservoir Park - 26 Sept 09

Haha... So finally on Saturday I went for my 1st jog at Bedok Reservoir Park which is just across our block with Pho. What a blessing, more than we expected, we were blessed with such a nice colourful sky as the sun was setting down...

We didn't manage to finish one whole round, though, because it was getting dark. But it was really a good 'first time' and start that so far I'm so motivated to jog there regularly. Well, I'll only be able to do it on weekends because on weekdays by the time I reach home, it's dark already and not very safe to go there.

So, jia you bah...

Pssstt...: will my target of 46kg by the end of this year be achieved? without so much on food diet, of course.. haha..

First 'overslept' in Bedok

Last nite terribly couldn't sleep. I think partly because of the Yin Yong I drank in Kim Gary during dinner with Pho, Den n a ji. Plus, Deni was still active, plus her snor after that (because I was still awake then), haha...

So,my alarm was set to 6am because I wanted to wake up earlier to read the book of Revelation. But because of the insomnia, when it was 6am I was still badly tired n giddy, so I set it 6.30am. And guess what, the last part of the setting which ask u whether you want to save the change, I overlooked it and went back to sleep. By the time I woke up, it's kinda bright already. I quickly checked my handphone and it was 7am, haha.. Thought of sleeping for a while and take cab, but then thought shouldn't waste money.

Reached bus stop at around 7.20am, I was doubtful whether the next 506 bus had passed or not. So, when I saw 228 coming, quickly crossed the road and hopped in to go to Bus Interchange. So, took MRT this morning, reached office 8.35am. Late, but not so bad lah, haha..And now, I'm soooo wanna read the book of Revelation, but cannot, gotta work dy.. hmm.. tonite bah :)

Thank You, God... at least You woke me up at 7am ^^

My Facebook status today: "His grace is sufficient not only for our salvation, but also for all things in our daily life. Yeah... another week in Your grace, Jesus!"

Come Bless the Lord (CBTL) 2009 - The Kingship of Christ

Last year I attended the CBTL as a very new comer in BBTC :)
And this year, I'll be joining the choir on stage ^^

This afternoon, we had our 2nd practise, after 2nd service, 2pm-5pm. Yayy... I have ministry-activity (kesibukan) again ;) Thank You, God...

So, Jessie, our Worship Pastor gathered everyone for a message and words of encouragement for a start. The theme this year is about the 2nd coming of Christ as a King who come. Jessie shared that once she was asked by someone, "How much do you believe in the 2nd coming of the Lord?", and so she passed this question on to all of us. When I asked myself, I said, "I believe". But wait... I asked, "But how much are you looking forward to it?", to this I'll say, "I am yet to be excited about it and looking forward to it". I guess, perhaps it's partly because I haven't really been able to 'see' that glorious and "woww..." scene, and partly also because if it happens now at this moment, I don't think I'll be that person who receives any reward, simply because I haven't done anything for Him on the earth. So, the message really stirred me. Before I can sing with a heart of excitement on the 2nd coming of the Lord, my heart really need to be touched by God and His truth. So, as I'll be reading the book of Revelation, Daniel and Joel (as 'instructed' by Jessie), I ask of You oh Lord, the one who revealed to John in the Patmos those days, to open the eyes of my heart n my spirit, to receive a revelation from You, and I'll be able to 'see' the days, that the end times is here, that we're running out of time to save as many souls as possible, before I face You in that new Jerusalem.

Another sentence that captivate my heart:

But the king replied to Araunah, "No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing." [2 Samuel 24:24]

Yes, God... You deserve my all of all in my service to You. May it be pleasing to You, God...

Btw, I enjoyed the practise pretty much this afternoon ^^

End of DTC class..

So we are required to do a 50-100 words write-up on what we've learned from the course. And this is what I wrote:

To summarize, it’s about knowing “who God is” and “what I am”, and thus what kind of Christian I want to be. I have been a Christian all my life. But it is in this class that I, from the Words, know why I do the things I do.

The class has come to an end, but it has brought a significant impact in my life as a follower of Christ. It has made me want to continuously know God more, know and understand His truth so that my heart may respond to it and my life be conformed to it, and to obey with love, joy and peace in heart.

It's 111 words, though.. hehe.. Btw, I had a good time flipping through the 3 DTC books and writing down those quotes that I wrote all over the book during classes in a notebook that I think I'll continue to write whatever quotes I get in future in it.

It's 4:13pm now, hope I'll have enough motivation later to go for my first jogging here in Bedok Reservoir Park :)

A Blessing ^^

So I was photostating the Monthly Progress Report when my phone rang. A bit annoyed I went to my desk to answer the call. A lady gently greeted me, "Hello, I am Sharon (or Sally??) calling from DBS Bank. May I speak to Ms. Julia Tandy?". "Speaking", I answered politely. "Is that convenient for you to talk now?". "What is it regarding?", I said hesitantly (because in my mind I was thinking that it must be of those credit card or insurance marketing stuff). But, here's what she said, "You have won a prize of $250 by spending with NETS", and she told me that it's a promotion held by NETS, the website and other details on how to redeem this prize. So basically I'm to call this NETS hotline 62741212 within 3 days and tell them my serial number.

I went back to the photocopy machine, thinking that it sounds quite true which is unlikely to be any of those cheat scheme, I smiled and stunned in front of the photocopy machine for quite a while, haha... Now I feel I was very cute just now. I mean, well.. though it's not a thrilling amount, but I've never got such thing before! So, it was really a very exciting news for me, haha... And first thought come to my mind, "what a blessing from God to me", and I tried to recall which seed I sowed that caused this fruit, not sure (not much I have sowed, though)... but it's not so important. I just know that it's a blessing :) Thank You, God...

And now, I'm going to make a call to NETS :p

Be serious!

I really think that I need to be more serious in being a Christian; a disciple, a follower and a servant of Christ.
Last nite while taking shower, I suddenly felt that I've been too "cin cai" in being one, that I've been too easy to myself, letting my emotion and will swing my spiritual life up and down. Up when it's up itself and letting it be down when it's down.

No! The grace that I've received is not a cheap grace that can be taken for granted! Now I think, "cincai-ism" is absolutely unacceptable in being a 'real Christian' (which is = Christ's follower, disciple and servant).

"Oh God, forgive me for having been so 'cincai' in living for You". Yes, by the grace of God, I really gotta be more seriously and wholeheartedly:

- seeking Him (and to know Him) and His will in my life,
- living in righteousness and holiness,
- devoting myself unto Him,
- equipping myself to effectively minister to others (evangelism or building up),
- praying my prayer items,
- seeking Him for my life direction and calling in this 'desert' season,
- treating and always being well-prepared in all ministry He's trusted me with (including singing in choir).

I should not waste anymore of my days by letting them pass without being a 'Christian' on that day.

Yes, God is merciful, but I wanna choose not to 'cincai-ly' and 'suibian-ly' live this life for Him, simply because this grace and mercy do not deserve any other thing than a total and full affection, devotion and submission of its recipient.

God, you are my Master, my Lord, the Centre of my life. May this be a kick-off of my 'serious' journey in You. Walk with me, 'coz I need You...

-

another Saturday at home

and this time it's a long weekend somemore :( Sunday is the Hari Raya, so it's replaced to Monday.

I woke up late, mob my room n the oily kitchen, talked to Silvy n Andy for a while in the living room, took shower, then went to Bedok interchange to buy some snacks and A&W in fairprice, then tapao back kolo mee.
Came home, ate my kolo mee in front of tv, and now in front of computer, chatting with Venny, checking mails, facebook and downloading CBTL songs.

It seems that I don't have any good friend anymore (not to mention best friend). I mean a countable friend who's ever-ready whom I can look for whenever I feel like doing something. For example, I was actually wanting to visit the "Dead Sea Roll" exhibition at Art House, but think think think... really no idea who I can ask to join me.
Ooohhh... why does it become like this???

Qi dai...

Qi dai zhi na rang wo liu chu gan dong de yen lei he wei wo er gan dong er liu lei de yi wei...

Blk 683A Jurong West Central 1 #03-112

So, 12 Sept 09 was the last day we were here.. start missing it even on Fri, 11 Sept, hiks :(

Here's some captures:

1. The night on the road - came back from cellgroup on Friday

2. Sat, 12 Sep 2009 - Last major packing

3. View from bedroom

4. The neighborhood

5. Last shots - after lunch @ JP, walking back home

Bye Jurong... bye Boon Lay... bye Jurong Point... I will miss you!

Moved to Bedok Reservoir ~ 12 Sep 2009

So, Friday 11 Sep after work went to the unit for inventory check, key collection and payed everything (advance rental + agent comission). After signing everything, I went off first to accompany Lydia to the "Fire Proof" movie by BBTC. After then, went to Joy's place waiting for Deni who's still in the cellgroup. (Enjoyed myself alone with Joy's guitar for a while...). Had supper with Yew Ling & Cynthia and had a good fellowship n chat :) Went home at 1am, haha..

Saturday, alarm clock was set to 10.30am, but 9 something couldn't sleep any longer and decided to wake up before 10. Major packing and cleaning til 3 something I guess, and took shower then went to Jurong Point with Den, had a meal at Oldtown Coffee.
6pm, started moving the things using Pho's company's pick-up, helped by Ah Kok and Joshua (thank u bunch...), guess what.. 2 trip was needed, haha.. And thank be to God, that evening, they didn't have urgent work and was not raining, so God's favour to give us smooth moving.
Continued with unpacking the stuff til about 11.30pm, exhaused, stopped though haven't finished unpacking. Shower and prepared for DTC class the next morning.
What a exhausting day... aching all over e body... even now still hurt, haha...
And the feeling.. hmm.. yeah.. quite a funny n weird feeling, a feeling of "perpisahan/farewell", haha.. a feeling which is like just about to leave 'home' (true home with family back in Skw). That feeling of sad, blue, and homesick, haha.. even during the 2-day stay, the feeling was like "just arrived" to a new place, a new country, haha.. but this is within Singapore.. I wonder will I feel that way again tonite, hehe..

Oh ya.. I couldn't sleep! First night really had bad sleeping time, back from church continue unpacking n tidying up things, was very tired n sleepy so tried to have nap around 6pm, but still COULD NOT!! haizzz... why am I so fussy in sleeping? But thank God last nite finally slept though a bit hard in the beginning :)
Suppose to wake up at 6am this morning, but 'lai chuang' til 6.18am, showered and got out of house at about 6.40 with pho. Thank God again, while we were walking to bus stop, bus 506 was coming, we saw it and ran after it, so phewww... got to get into the bus.
Guess what, I arrived at bus stop at around 7.35, plus 10 minutes walk, 7.45 reached office.. haha... broke my record.. I AM EARLY!! ^^

And what I love best about this moving? except the nice Bedok Reservoir Park view from bedroom n living room, I now can have myown desk, though not very comfortable.. but you know.. a "myown" place to put myown stuffs, books etc and to just do whatever I want to do :)

Thank You, my God... for everything... for being with us.. guiding us.. providing us with all we need... for being such a wonderful God...

Next, browse for new jobbb... yeah.. by God's grace...

Love You, Abba...

Rest for the Weary

Fashion Photographer Captures Jesus in 21st Century
By Michelle A. Vu
Christian Post Reporter
Thu, Sep, 10 2009 02:00 AM PT

A veteran fashion photographer who is used to having his works featured in Vogue, GQ and Elle, will release his most “rewarding” collection – “Journeys with the Messiah” – on Friday, the eighth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks.

"I was in New York prepping for a photo shoot a week after 9/11 and saw many people searching for something," recalled Michael Belk, who created the Jesus photo collection out of his Christian faith. "Similar to 9/11, I think many Americans don't know where to turn in the midst of the current worldwide financial crisis.”

Belk says he hopes his “Journeys With the Messiah” collection will help people who are anxious and looking for answers to find peace by knowing there is someone to turn to.

The photos are a retelling of the stories of 1st-century Jesus to a 21st-century audience. Included in the collection are photos of Jesus with Nazis, prostitutes, Ferraris and motorcycles, as well as Wall Street executives and high rollers that creatively address modern-day social problems such as genocide, materialism, addiction, poverty, and hypocrisy.

In the photo entitled “The Second Mile,” Jesus is shown walking and talking alongside a Nazi soldier. The messiah is carrying the soldier’s backpack as well as his gun.

“Jesus’ teachings on this subject (forgiveness) were revolutionary: ‘Love your enemies as yourself. Pray for those who persecute you. Forgive people seventy times seven.’ Jesus reminds us that, just as God forgives us, we are expected to do the same for others,” wrote Belk in the accompanying journal entry for the photo.

Each of Belk’s images is accompanied by a written journal entry of a 21st-century take on a 1st-century story or parable.

In another photo, “Rest for the Weary,” a man in a suit and tie is shown collapsed on the steps of a building. His head rests on Jesus’ lap while his suitcase is opened with papers scattered about.

“I am writing this in March of 2009 while the world is in a serious economic upheaval,” Belk’s journal reads. “Fortunes have been lost, retirement incomes are gone, and the basic necessities have become a struggle for man.”

But then he writes, “In truth, we assign too much importance to issues that, in the end, will be of non consequence. Have you ever heard of a man on his deathbed who asked to see his stock portfolio one more time? Could the time we spend worrying be better spent in quiet, soothing fellowship with the One who created it all and promises more?”

The Christian photographer reminds the reader Jesus said not to worry but to “seek His Kingdom first” and God will take care of our needs. Also, Jesus invited those who are weary and burdened to find rest in Him.

“Maybe we should give it a try,” Belk suggested.

One of the aims of the photo collection, the 61-year-old photographer said, was to strip away the “religion” part of Christianity that has turned so many people away, and share the core message of who Jesus was and what He taught.

Belk believes the photos carry messages that God wants to say to people in the world struggling with countless problems right now.

In 2008, despite the economic downturn, Belk took time off of fashion photography and spent his own money to finance the project that took more than a year and a half to complete. The project cost $600,000.

Pre-production took 10 months and more than 100 extras were needed. An Italian actor played Jesus and a production company from Rome and a film crew from the U.S. were hired.

Belk directed what he calls “the most grueling, but most rewarding shoot” of his career.

All of the photos were shot in Matera, Italy (filming location for “The Passion of the Christ”).

The fashion photographer-turned-Jesus’ camera man is considering to exhibit the collection worldwide in counterintuitive venues such as mass transit stations, corporate headquarters and projections onto urban buildings. He also hopes the images will be used in a greeting card line and small group curriculum.

Limited edition photographs, posters, 108-page photography book, DVD, and screensavers and wallpapers are available for sale. Proceeds from the sale of the photos will fund the worldwide exhibit tour.

Source: http://www.gospelherald.net/article/entertainment/45572/fashion-photographer-captures-jesus-in-21st-century_pageall.htm

真實的悔改

Feeling very discouraged and down n tired ministering to Lydia. Sometimes I just feel she's just way too sensitive and self-centered and tend to misunderstand my care / 'hao yi' towards her.
But I kept telling myself that I will persevere.. I will love her, care for her..

And, suddenly, when the intro of this song "真實的悔改" started, a thought came in my mind:
I cannot blame her for this. Instead, I should ask myself these questions: "Have you prayed enough? Have you been 'puo qie' enough before God? Have I really xian shang wo zhi ji? Have I really put enough effort? Have I really been obedience?"

Yes God... I want to 'Zhen shi de hui gai'. I pray that You'll bless all the seed that I'll learn to sow and turn them into fruits for Your kingdom... Yes, I long to see..

He Could Have Called Ten Thousand Angels

Taiwan 88 - Typhoon Morakot

Typhoon Morakot, the worst typhoon to hit Taiwan in half a century, hit the island’s southern and eastern areas on Aug. 7 and 8. It dumped more than 80 inches of rain on the island and stranded thousands of villagers in mountainous areas in the south. Over 21,000 villagers were rescued to safety.

President Ma Ying-jeou said Friday he estimates more than 500 people have died because of the typhoon. The official death toll, however, is 123.

Most of the deaths are in Shiao Lin village, which lost more than half of its population. Some 380 people are thought to have died in Shiao Lin, due to landslides from the surrounding mountains.

(Sun, 16 Aug 09 - gospelherald.net)

On Aug. 24, 18 Christian celebrities of Taiwan from the film and music industry gathered at an event organized by Chinese Christian Relief Association to use their songs and talents to fund-raise for the reconstruction efforts for the victims of Typhoon Morakot.

The celebrities gathered included some of the heavy-weight super-stars in the music and movie industries, and they are Yueh Sun, Tao Da Wei, Van Ness Wu, Jam Hsiao, Kai Pao-Yu, Samuel Tai, Augustine Yeh, Vicky Chen, Vivien Chen, Jimmy Hung, Sien Vanessa, and etc. Together, they’ve recorded the EP and MV for the song “Taiwan, I Love You”, which will be given as a gift for donations made towards this particular fund-raising effort.

Version of Taiwan Pastor’s singing “Taiwan I Love You”:

Reminder: Do not be 'sensitive'

Reminding myself: Do not be a sensitive person. It will make your friend and people serving you so tired, sick and 'cape deh...'

But I have to persevere in bringing her back to You, God... hmm.. yeah...

Corporate world

"Corporate world is not my place", yes, I'm starting to feel it again..
But God.. confirmation, God...

Taking cab to office

Feel so guilty I took cab to office again this morning. Hopefully, it's for the last time at least for the next half year, or for the rest of my ATS life (hopefully not so long more)

Felt so unmotivated to go to work recently. I guess, the ambiguous task is one of the causes. And recently, they bidded a tender, which after knowing the result n assuming that they will impossibly get the contract, simply bo chap to answering the TCQ, pushing here n there.
(Afternote: but today finally submitted)

19.20pm: still in the office, don't feel like going home (hui qu you zhen yang ne??)
Today's really down with severe 'blue'... I'm sorry God for all I am today, full of sigh and unmotivation..

Psalm 6:2-4
2 Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;
O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.

3 My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?

4 Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.

Abiding in Christ

Today's sermon: Abiding Life of John 15:5-8 by Dr Freddy Boey

I just wanna say, "Thank You, Lord.. for comforting and assuring me that even now, in this season, the season when I'm feeling so lost, so useless, so lonely, so no direction, so no achievement, so... wrong.., I am still and also abiding in Christ".
Yes, I am, and I will, and I want... oh God...

During Wisdom Tooth Growth

So, Wednesday (02 Sep) was on MC. Woke up, had breakfast with the left-over beehon in order to be able to take my medicine. A bit of drowsy, went to sleep. Plumber came so had to wake up and lied down at sofa in the living room. Effect of painkiller worn off just after 2 hours, while I could only take again after 12 hours, ohh.. Lunch with indomie to take medicine again (but not painkiller), after that went to sleep again so as not to feel the pain. Woke up, had porridge for dinner (all of us had porridge, haha..), couldn't wait to take painkiller again. Had to cancel a movie session. Supposed to watch "UP" at Suntec Eng Wah with Jacinta, Brendan and Barry. I had been wanting to watch "UP", you know.. and it's free some more, a volunteer appreciation nite held by BCCSC. So, have to buy ticket myself and watch next time lor... Forced myself to stay 'til 9pm to watch the HK drama "Heart of Greed" til 10pm, then went to sleep with pain.

Thursday, had to go to work though still in pain. Bought banana cake for breakfast but ended up ate a bit with milo in the morning, and trying to finish it throughout the day, eating bit by bit. In the morning, while working felt a bit dizzy, but thought it was normal due to taking antibiotics (my stomach is not very strong to medicine). But during bus ride to office, suddenly felt want to faint. Was very worried and prayed not to faint there, and thank God, managed to arrive office and sat down. Maz, Brian, Wan Tien and Wati were shocked by my pale face.
Afternoon, had beehoon cooked by Stephanie. Very delicious, but managed to eat a bit only. After work, went home, ate a bit of rice for dinner. Before going to sleep, cooked porridge for tomorrow breakfast.
That night, had to cancel my first "Teach-in session" with the worship team.

Friday, ate porridge for breakfast, took cab to office. Pain was getting better, but still taking painkiller. Had porridge again for lunch. After noon, pain got better, but the gum was very not comfortable that I couldn't speak properly, haha... Went home, ate my left over porridge for dinner and tried to reduce my painkiller to 1 tablet per taking.

Saturday, went to first time rehearsal with the worship team ^^
And.. start eating rice again... yahooo... Thank God..
Dinner, no appetite, gastric i guess, cause of the antibiotics
Sunday, dizzy and nauseous...

Now.. quite well... oopss.. haven't taken my medicine.. haha.. finally I could forget instead of waiting to take medicine.. (that means, no pain at all lor.. ^^)

Wisdom Tooth

Monday night started with swollen gum. I thought it was just due to heat in the body. Then the next day, getting painful, gum n tooth, but still bearable. Until afternoon, after lunch, the pain was getting worse, so took a panadol that made me couldn't open my eyes due to the drowsiness, haha... Pain getting worse, so decided to visit the dentist at Vista @ Boon Lay MRT. The dentist said my wisdom tooth is growing, but most likely horizontally, so stuck half-way n hurt my gum, may need surgery to extract the wisdom tooth. Ohhh...

Today on MC n medication, antibiotics n painkillers, each time has to 9 tablets.. ooh.. for me it's really a big matter lar :( painkiller only help to reduce the pain for 2 hours, while can only take again after 12 hours. Slept for almost the whole day so as not to feel the pain today, tomorrow have to work le... :(

I've never really experienced toothache before. The worst was only swollen gum and temporary toothache that lasted for few hours only. This time is really torturing, feel like crying :,( has been 2 days + 1 night.

Btw, can't really trust that dentist. I'm thinking to see another dentist to make sure, and tomorrow will check with Stephanie if the insurance covers this, else... very expensive leh. Anyway, I prayed that the tooth is actually growing alrite, so I'll just let it grow... haihhh.. what a days...

Jin tian de xin qing...

Xin qing hao... down...
Actually not only today. It has been since Saturday.
Very hard to bear this feeling. Really feel like giving up and make a harsh decision to go home and be with Pa n Mi (though it's actually not the way also, since it will then create another worry for them). But on Saturday (or Sunday) I prayed this, that God, if this is a prompt from God, God please do it another way to convince me to go home, I don't want to make a 'chong dong' decision which is just out of my emotion and 'xiang tai duo'.

Two things were really bothering me throughout last weekend:
1. Fear of losing dad.
All this while, felt a bit weird why I'm feeling worse and worse about my being away from home. Finally, on Saturday I realized that actually my biggest fear that caused all this bad feeling is the fact that Dad's getting older and I have not been able to spend time with him. I found myself crazily asking God to give Pa n Mi long life until I get married and do whatever I'm supposed to do and seen by them, and opportunity for me to spend a lot a lot of times being with them, staying and living together with them, seeing them everyday for a period of time before they finally return to God.
And I guess, this is also one of the reasons why I sometimes got so frustrated seeing the time flies. Because the older I get, means the older Pa and Mi are too, and also mean the time I spent being not with them is more and more, and the time left for me to spend with them are getting less.
God... hao xing ku arrh...
2. That pressure

'Craving' for being a volunteer - "Good Work"

Last night watched "Star for a Cause". This time is Michelle Chia joining a group of volunteer from Eden Foundation from Taiwan, serving in a small and very poor village in Philipines, Himaco. From the name, I was pretty sure that it's a christian foundation. So this morning, I tried to check out their website, and yes, it is! In fact, it's Liu Hsia's foundation. For me, Liu Hsia is not of a stranger, knew about her through Heavenly Melody, when they produced the song/album "Ba Ai Liu Xia" which lyric is written by Liu Hsia.

So, I really 'craving' for being a volunteer, if possible, a Christian-mission-driven oversea short term voluntarily work, so it's not only doing good, but also bringing Christ's love. I hope it's not just an emotional force. Well, I don't think it is, because I have always been desiring to be able to be a volunteer or go for a mission trip. And recently, it's really not only based on feeling anymore, but I know for sure that I am created, saved, and being a Christian, to partner with God to do good works, and through that, to let the world know that I am a disciple of God, and to share Christ's love for them.

Some bible basis:

Ephesians 2:10
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Colossians 1:10
And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God,

2 Timothy 2:21
If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.

2 Timothy 3:17
so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

Hebrews 13:21
equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

And see this promise.. wow..
2 Corinthians 9:8
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

Yes, Zhu, wo yao...

While typing this, my mind was directed to a series of sermon of "Financial Freedom" by SP Dan Foo that touched mostly on sowing, sowing and sowing generously. And yes, I truly think that it has got to do with generousity. So here's the wonderful verse of promise in the bible: 2 Corinthians 9

In term of this, I learned and was confirmed pretty much by the teachings in BBTC also, esp. SP Dan Foo. Yeah, I come to realize more and more that BBTC has really blessed me much in term of "making - the things that I know and have been knowing all these while - make sense, being confirmed, affirmed, and into application."

Why am I in Singapore?

Uhmm... Last Sunday, during service, Ps Peter Tsukahira preached bout "The People of the Kingdom of God".

And suddenly I thought of this, "I guess I know 2 of the reasons/purposes of God bringing me to Singapore" (previously, I really didn't know why...).
It is to bring me to BBTC to deal with me the following two issue in my life:
1. No condemnation, even self-condemnation. To have mercy for myself n others. Grace... and grace only... My salvation, value, etc are all by the grace of God only.. There's no need to prove myself.. There's no need to strive for acceptance, for significance..
2. Sacred v.s Secular
(Through how the lay-people serve 'fulltimely', and confirmed by Ps Tsukahira's today message).
Well, I'm not saying "Yayyy... I don't need to be a pastor anymore". I still believe God calls certain people to be in "full-time ministries as in pastors, missionaries, etc", just like He calls doctors, teachers, plumbers, etc. I mean, imagine if I become a pastor before having this long time planted mindset dealt with, I'll be an inmostly arrogant pastor/person, thought that I'm a so obedient child of God, wei da, better than others, etc...

Ohh.. I thank You, Lord... for Your perfect plan in my growing process... Who am I God, that You are so mindful of me??

A blessed 'Pastors' Kid'

Everytime after I talked to Mommy, I'll always feel and in awe listening how Dad n Mum are always in favour with God thru men. It really tells me again and again the perfect care n special favour of God toward His faithful servants. Not only that, it really teach me and make me witness with my own eyes n life the law of "sowing and reaping".

Just now I called them again just to check mum's condition and to chit chat. Mum told me that she's got almost a RM1000 discount from Dr. Goh Kian Hua who did her operation, this is also the Doctor who operated Pa 2 years ago for his cyst and gave discount from his Doctor fee also. And guess what Mum told me.. Mum did a cosmetic surgery in Alor Setar, and when she arrived Kch, not knowing who else to turn to ask for help to take out the thread, she went to look for Dr. Goh. Dr. Goh did it for her. I mean, man... he's a great surgeon! I told Mum, "wah.. nyi an thai liap uu.." haha... And also, for all of Pa n Mi's eyes medication n consultation, Dr. Teo was the one who always take care of that with super cheap price... God... it's just... ah... indescribable...

This is really what Mum reaps by the seed of love, sincerety, generousity in painstakingly and self-less-ly bringing people to Kuching for their medical needs that Mum's sowed.

Oh God... I am just soo touched and in awe of your marvelous and great work in Your servants' life. God... I want to be like them... Ooopss.. I know, this will mean, there'll be a lot of seeds that You'll require me to sow n some of them would be pretty unpleasant.. but... yeah... I want, God... ^^

Mum's op was done.

Dear God... Thank You sooo much... for seeing us through in everything. Each day, I really 'bei gan dong' by Your love, mercy, and grace more and more...
Mommy's operation was over, very well and fast. I called Pa and talked to Mommy. She was very happy and was saying it was very fast and not painful at all.
She wished me "Sheng ri kuai le, cim cim cim (which means kiss kiss kiss), haha...

And God, how 'gan dong' I am, that You actually provides more than what I could think of. Not only You made everything went perfectly, You also provides company for Pa and Mi. So, Li Moy Ku and her husband also met Mi there and they went for check-up also, apparently, her husband also need to undergo some laser thingy which causes him need to be hospitalized for 1 night also. So, Pa will have company with Li Moy Ku, haha... what a divine arrangement rite?? :)

Happy Birthday 2009 ^^

Happy Birthday, Jia Yun... :)
I love you, Jesus loves you soo much, and a lot of people around you love you soo much.

Thank You, Father... for this life that You've given, for age of 25, for all the passages that You've written... And once again I want to thank You to planned me to be born in this family, being a daughter of Pdt. Elyakim Tandy and a great mother, Ev. Law Pee Eng. What a blessing, God...

Thank You Jesus, Pa, Mi, Ko, Jie, and everybody around me who had molded and nurtured and filled my life till I become who I am today.

I want to continue to plunge myself in the surpassing greatness of Your knowledge.

Yes, thank You, JESUS!!!

Btw, this year wishes by:
1. My Dear Sis (while chatting in YM)
Then in Facebook, she wished again, "
2. Venny!!! (love u soo much...)
"Although I can't wish you a happy birthday in person, but I'll spend the whole day with happy thoughts of you. happy birthday in advance. hope your day to shine as everyday shud be"
3. Peng
4. Iswanto
"Hepi bedai 2 u.. Hepi bedai 2 u.. hepi bedai 2 julehaaaaaaa.. hepi bedai 2 u.."
(haha... ada ada jak.. very surprised..)
5. Amy HK
6. Barry
7. Joy
8. Ah Hu
"Happy Birthday. When I recover someday i'll pass u gift"
9. Maz, YP, Wati
(with bear2 n bracelet)
10. Muk
11. Brian
12. Jeevan
13. Siance
"Happy birthday! dah 25 tahun ya? wah, ga terasa dah 13 taon pertemanan kita. pasti semakin bijak, cinta Tuhan n memaknai hidup dengan kasih n Tuhan memberkatimu. btw hari ini rayain ama sapa? :) mat ultah ya, bln nov jd dtg?"
14. Rui Ping
"Happy birthday! thanks for being such a blessing to me. may e Lord bless you richly in every way n use you mightiliy for His glory.
15. Wulan
"Melalui pepohonan dan bunga di ladang, melalui ciptaan yang kecil & besar, kita melihat pemeliharaanNya yang penuh perhatian. Dia juga merancang n menciptakanmu n begitu mengasihimu. aku juga sangat mengasihimu.Zhu ni sheng ri kuai le, ing. Luph: wulan & cia2
New york skin slolution
16. Sheena
17. Pa & Mi
"Ing, selamat hari ulang tahun pa n mami sayang ing yang manis. Tuhan memberkati. GBU"
18. Janna
19. Yenny
20. Ci Henny
21. Kimmy
22. Mommy (again). (I called her after her operation ^^)
"Sheng ri kuai le.. cim cim (means kiss kiss, hehe..)"
23. Mat Ko
24. Bob
25. Cen
26. Evi
27. Tony Wong
28. Lidya Lee
29. Evian
30. Simon (Loop)
31. Wan Tien
32. Kimmy (again, this time she called me)
33. Koko
34. Ci Lia
35. Junia
36. Xiao Ming
37. Antonio
38. Winny Januarti
39. Paskalia
40. Sarwo
41. Antonius Lonyon
42. Chui Li
43. Miki
44. Cindy Poh
45. Faith Chen

And, these are some of the birthday-related moment:

16 Aug '09 - Celebrating with Agape, together with Barry (16), Yew Ling (19) and Sheena (22)

Knowing God [3]

And this was what I highlighted last nite (17 Aug 09):

Page 25
'Poor souls,' our friends say of us, 'how they've suffered' - and that is just what we feel about ourselves!
But these private mock heroics have no place at all in the minds of those who really know God!

When I read the 2nd point about knowing God v.s knowing about God, "One can know a great deal about godliness (simply by the sermons, books, company, etc) without much knowledge of God", "It is just sooo ME!"

Page 27
The question is, can we say, simply, honestly, not because we feel that as evangelicals we ought to, but because it is plain matter of fact, that we have known God, and that because we have known God the unpleasantness we have had, or the pleasantness we have not had, through being Christians does not matter to us?
CAN I??? OHHH...

Knowing God [2]

Page 17
Knowing about God is crucially important for the living of our lives.

We're cruel to ourselves if we try to live in this world without knowing about the God whose world it is and who runs it. The world becomes a strange, mad, painful place, and life in it a disappointing and unpleasant business, for those who do not know about God.

*And this is very good:

On January 7th, 1855, the minister of New Park Street Chapel, Southwark, opened his morning sermon as follows:

It has been said by someone that 'the proper study of mankind is man'. I will not oppose the idea, but I believe it is equally true that

(aiyah.. to be continued...)

feeling better...

Thank You, God... I'm feeling better now... very OK, actually :)
Called Dad n Mum, chatted for a while. Can sense that Mum actually wished I could go also, but I'd let her know my wish that I could go if it's not because I don't have leave anymore. God, I hope I can go on Friday night with cheap ticket leh.. can? :)
I'm very proud of my self that I calmly ended the conversation by saying to mum, "Ok lah, I'll pray for you", haha...
Yeah, Jia Yun, must really learn not to so easily saddened or overwhelmed oo... so big girl already, hehe...

Thank You, my faithful God... I believe! I trust in You! You indeed have and will take perfect care of Your Servants. Thank You, dear Lord... I'm indeed so thankful that You are mindful n care for us. Help me to really grow up, in my emotion.

Theme of the year (2009/2010)

So, it's tomorrow... yeah.. tomorrow is my Birthday..
While I was thinking of the theme for this year this morning, had to admit that I had failed my last year theme quite badly ("To serve and not be served"). By all the frustration in works and sharing house n room with so many different personality and lifestyle people, I think I kinda lost that joy of serving people. If I'm to assess myself, I'm afraid I have become so calculative, unsincere, and had a lot of irritated feelings. But I believe, it has got to do with my spiritual condition also. (I seek your forgiveness, oh Lord, for this past year of ungodly and unpleasing-You life.

So, I guess my this year theme will be "Knowing God". Yes, I really need to! And it's totally NOT 'knowing about God' oo... Dear, God... I really want to know You, more each day. Pls help me to understand what I read, and to really live it out in my life, and not only as a head-knowledge. I believe, yes I believe.

Jer 29:13-14a
"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity."

Proverbs 8:17
"I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me."

Plus, gotta make good of my failed "To serve and not be served", too.. heiya.. so.. jia you ooo... ^^

Dad n Mum going for ops

Dad n Mum are going for ops. Pa for his catarac, and Mi for pile. And I can't be there :( very sad... I know, God will take the best good care of them, better than anything I can do, but just wish I could be there to accompany and care lor...

God, thank you for taking care of all of us. Pls let Pa n Mi know how I love them and wish to be with them n could take care of them.

Yes, I believe in you and trust You, our faithful n good God.. I love You, Lord...

(Really gotta apply what I've been reading in the book "Knowing God")

Journey to the East :D

I wonder how many people in Singapore would do this; staying in the west already, working in the west, and still working in the west, but purposely finding a place in the east to move.. haha.. Well, many people stay in the east and work in the west (like Bren and Chee Boon) and vice versa. But it's totally a different story. They are staying in their own house, so they can't just simply move house in order to be near to their workplace, which is always temporary. But we.. (err, I, if not all of us).. I/We purposely go and find places in the East (because Central is too expensive).
Last nite, on the way back from Bedok Reservoir, the more I thought of it, the more I felt very funny and unbelievable and... kinda shameful to tell my colleagues, frens, cousins, etc, if I'm really moving (though actually, we don't have to feel embarrased, it's our freedom! haha...). Well, you know, their reaction will be things like "Whatt?? R u kidding? R u crazy? Xiao ar you? Ciak pa bo se co... bla bla bla..." hahaha... So I was telling Den n pho that if we are really moving, I'll just keep quite until the time when they find out by themselves, haha...

Anyway, before I continue with my story of last night and tonight, actually my idea of moving to East is because of this:
1. First of all, we want to move. Else, we would be comfortable enough to stay on here. Why move? First, we are not very happy with the other two housemates (especially that one). Second, Pho's mum is here, and there's no enough space here, so it actually adds up the urgency of us finding a new place.
2. Since we want to move, and since our church (me and Den), cell group and community is there in the East, and since we already have intention to change job, why not move closer to church and community and hope to get a job somewhere in Central or East?
3. By moving to East, it's much more feasible for me to join more or be involved more in Church activities and ministries. I remember very well my hesitation to decide to join Church choir (because of where I stay), though after some struggle, I decided to join (by the strong calling to serve God through the gift/talent that He has given me, and by the faith that God will take care of the rest of my needs, be it time and place to stay).
4. When guests are staying at our place, by staying at Boon Lay, it really makes us only reach home very very late after the "jalan-jalan", because of the travel distance.
5. We have breathed enough of West air (quoting from Hock Chye ^^). East air is really undeniable fresherrrr..

So... Pho, Den, Silvy and I, plus Pho's mum...
We started with a unit in Kallang. Quite like it. Owner asked for 2.2K, we requested for 1.8K, but owner could only lower to 2K, and we couldn't take it. Out... (quite disappointed)
The next day, we went to view an executive maissenate flat at Bedok Reservoir which was fabulous... A very spacious windy 2-storey nice view flat with ask price of 2K negotiable. Can you imaginee??? We (Pho, Silvy and I) were sooo tempted by it and 'xin yang yang' for the whole night. But, it's quite far. 10 minutes bus-ride to Bedok Interchange. The agent also didn't put any hope on us, knowing that 3 of us work in the west. So we kinda didn't pursue it and slowly the 'xin yang yang' died off, haha... That was about 3 or 4 weeks ago.
After that I was busy with Amy, Evian and Cindy's visit, so no house viewing for 2 weeks.
Last Saturday, Pho and I started viewing again, 2 unit at Paya Lebar. Both are 2+1+1, with 2 bedrooms and 1 utility room. Not interested at all, very small unit, quite a distance for walking to MRT stn, and still priced at 1.8K.
I started feeling tired and sick of viewing house. It is really not fun at all, especially if you reach to those small and old unit. (except the Bedok Reservoir one lor, very different feeling, haha..)
Monday (replacement of National Day Public Holiday), Pho and I started circling on newspaper again. Tuesday Deni called those circled, and made 2 viewing appointments on that night after work. Both units are at Bedok, and this time we had perfect attendance (Pho, I, Silvy, Deni - without Pho's mum)
Before going, I was praying that if any of the units are the one from God, may God give all of us the uniformity of feeling towards the house, that we will all 'like' the house.
We reached the first unit, was ok, with new aircon, but quite an old house with old furniture, and just not bright n fresh. I was so so with it, but Silvy disliked it pretty much.
Proceed to second unit, block 90. Despite of the outside which I felt a bit 'terpencil', dark, with construction going on, the inside of the house was quite nicely redone, with kinda big bedrooms. But, agent sticked to 2K. Plus it's not that we like it very much, so we decided it's a NO.
However, before that, after viewing the two units, suddenly, Silvy mentioned bout the one in Bedok Reservoir (Blk 725). My first respond was, "aiyahh.. sure taken one lah... so nice house with so good price, who don't want??" Then, after nini nana here n there a bit, while having our bak chor mee at blk 85 market, we decided to give Francis (the agent) a call. So, I called. "Hi Francis, Julia here, we viewed the unit at Bedok Reservoir Rd, remember?", and surprisingly, he remembered us very well. I continued, "is it taken already?". Even more surprisingly, "No, it's not taken yet." My eyes were opened big to show my surprise to the 3 of them. "I understood you were saying 2K negotiatable, can pls ask owner if it can be 1.8K?". Francis agreed and asked this again, "Are you guys serious? Have you carefully thought of the distance?", haha...
And... more more surprisingly, owner OK with that price, plus our request for TV and additional beds and mattrass. We were shocked, didn't know how to respond. Really, because we were actually just try try only, thinking that it's very impossible that it'll still be available.
Before calling, we had concern that Deni hasn't seen the house. And guess what, Francis offered us to view once more.. hey.. it's him to offered, we didn't ask for it, okayyy...
So, we went.. at 10pm, haha.. crazy women...
(Nevertheless, from the moment we were thinking to call Francis, I had kept on been praying in my heart)
Francis said, should be ok, but will confirm again the next day (which is today), because the husband of the owner had slept.
But it's like kinda confirmed already. On that night, I was kinda sad.. haha... it's not that I don't want to move to there lor.. I want... but just very sad, thinking of how I have to wake up so early in the morning to start work at 8am in Bukit Batok. But also hesitant to say NO.
It's on the way back (in the cab), that I felt everything was very funny, and we're a bit crazy, haha...

Today, I was too occupied by work in the office and no space n time to feel anything or to think about this matter at all. In midst of it, Deni informed that Francis told us that owner is OK with price n requests, and asking us to send him our particulars so he can do the contract. AArrggghh... how r we supposed to reply??? So we kept quiet, haha...

And, you must hear this silly thing that Pho and I did. It's my idea, though, haha...
After work, we actually took the MRT to Bedok, then bus to Bedok Reservoir, in order to try to take the express bus 506 to Jurong East, haha...
This is what I get:
Office to Clementi (Bus): $0.91 (10 mins)
Clementi to Bedok (MRT): $1.07 (36 mins)
Bedok to 'Home' (Bus): $0.69 (10 mins)

And after that, guess what... Bus 506 from 'Home' to a bus stop just before the turning to Bukit Batok St 23 only takes about 40 mins. From that bus stop, I can take 189 (1 stop) to infront of office, or just walk 10-15 mins to office. Yes, it takes longer than now, but now is 10 mins walk to MRT stn, MRT to Jurong East, change train to Bt. Batok, walk to bus interchange, wait for bus, bus to office, cross the road to reach office. Pls compare it to: take bus from in front of house, sit in the bus for 40 mins, take another bus to infront of office or just walk to office.

So for me, the result of this trial is a Haleluya, hehe... Totally a different feeling with last night.
And because Pho and Deni were still considering, I asked Francis whether it's ok if we get back to him in details on Saturday. He just said OK and will draft to us the contract thingy for us to see first. Hey... I mean, where can u find such a flexible, nice to talk, cin cai, helpful agent??? Just totally different with the rest of the agents that we met.
The more I thought of it, the more I thought it's really a grace.

God, thank You for bringing and leading us through... all the way til this stage. We still want to surrender everything into Your mighty hands, trusting You only, and not at all on ourselves. Pls show us Your way, and Your will... And help us to understand and obey. In precious Christ Name, Amen!

Knowing God [1]

Was introduced by Chee Boon (my DTC teacher) this book, was lent by him this book of his precious and very classic edition actually. Started reading it 2 weeks ago, very very touched and relevant, since I call my current spiritual life stage as the stage of "Knowing God", so decided to buy one copy so I can take my time reading and highlighting them while reading. Plus, bit pressured reading Chee Boon's very classic n precious copy, scared of tearing them accidentally, haha... Btw, I stopped reading because busy with Amy, Evian and Cindy's visit. Today is public holiday (replacement of National Day). So started reading again last night and today... Gonna record down those phrase that struck me the best :)

God... I want to know You...

Caution: Yun, know your purpose of reading this!

Page 20:
For this very reason we need, before we start to ascend our mountain, to stop and ask ourselves a very fundamental question - a question, indeed, that we always ought to put to ourselves whenever we embark on any line of study in God's holy book. The question concerns our own motives and intentions as students. We need to ask ourselves: what is my ultimate aim and object in occupying my mind with these things? What do I intend to do with my knowledge about God, once I have got it? For the fact that we have to face is this: that if we pursue theological knowledge for its own sake, it is bound to go bad on us. It will make us proud and conceited. The very greatness of the subject-matter will intoxicate us, and we shall come to think of ourselves a a cut above other Christians because of our interest in it and grasp of it; and we shall look down on those wholse theological ideas seem to us crude and inadequate, and dismiss them as very poor specimens. For, as Paul told the conceited Corinthians, 'knowledge puffs up ... the man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know' (1 Cor 8:1). To be preoccupied with getting theological knowledge as an end in itself, to approach Bible study with no higher a motive than a desire to know all the answers, is the direct route to a state of self-satisfied self-deception. We need to guard our hearts against such an attitude, and pray to be kept from it. As we saw ealier, there can be no spiritual health without doctrinal knowledge; but it is equally true that there can be no spiritual health with it, if it is sought for the wrong purpose and valued by the wrong standard. In this way, doctrinal study really can become a danger to spiritual life, and we today, no less than the Corinthians of old, need to be on our guard here.

So, this is extremely a good start to reading this book. After reading this paragraph, I really paused and 'beng kui' before God's foot to commit my purpose of reading this book, of 'Knowing about Him', of knowing His Word.
And, this is what I desire:
In order to know You better, personally, so as to love You better, serve You better, live my (Christian) life better, delight in You, and that my heart may respond to it and my life be conformed to it.

Ok, continue.. this is from page 21:
And this must be our attitude too. Our aim in studying the Godhead must be to know God himself better. Our concern must be to enlarge our acquaintance, not simply with the doctrine of God's attributes, but with the living God whose attributes they are. As he is the subject of our study, and our helper in it, so He must Himself the the end of it. We must seek, in studying God, to be led to God. It was for this purpose that revelation was given, and it is to this use that we must put it.

Title: Knowing God
Author: J.I. Packer
First edition 1973
My copy: 2005 edition

YES!! God... keep me safe from all the distraction and possibility of forgetting my ultimate purpose of knowing You... Lead me to You, and You only, Lord...

all by myself...

Today I woke up late... actually just purposely woke up naturally, without alarm..
Then did my bunch of laundry (haven't washed for 2 weeks, due to visitors), watched TV, ate brunch..
Then went to Jurong Point: post Cindy's photo n left behind stuff, went to UOB to get a queue number for account opening, while waiting went to NTUC to buy honey, to Body Shop to update my NRIC, to POSB to update NRIC and to update bank book, to nubox to explore out macbook pro. Then was called by UOB, so went up to open the account. It's good! To have few things done... but.. it's "all by myself...".. very lonely...

Came home, transfer rental to ci Yatty, then went to Paya Lebar with Pho to view house. Not very interesting with the house.
Otw back, in MRT, gave up the seat to an old uncle, i believe he's in Pa's age. His hair and the way he dress is like Pa too. It made me think of Pa. Seeing him being alone made me feel so sad also that Pa's alone back there.. I miss Pa...

Just dunno why is it still so difficult for me to get away from this bad feeling of being away from home.. after so many years.. so many different places.. God.. if it's better for me not to be here, but to be back there, pls do let me know, and show me how..

Anyway... I know I'm not alone... You're with me, God... There are too many things that only You know... my 'xin tiao'...

What can I do for God?

So, this song had actually spoken to me once, when I was listening to it in office...
But after that I forgot.. Until... That day of SOP last event at BBTC.. I was so happy to be reminded of this thought / inspiration that God'd given me :)

My Christian life has always been the kind full of activities, ministries, etc.. So, now, when I'm in the stage of not having any 'ministry', I felt very ... (hmm.. may be not used to it? guilty? uneasy lah...). Have been feeling that eversince coming to Singapore.

But recently, I have this thought, what is that all for, if I have no love for God? if I don't know Him? and I really deeply understood that knowing Him, that's also what I can do for Him. And when I listened to this song, it was reassured to me again that yes, love Him more (personally), that's one of what I can do for Him.

So, conclusion, what can I do for God? Love Him! Know Him!
(And this is also so "in line / relevant" with my current stage of spiritual life: Knowing God!)

Thank You, Father... How precious to me are your thoughts, are the way you inspired me and gave me understanding and enlightenment.

When birthday is coming soon...

Yesterday, while walking home, suddenly felt so sad n blue. Birthday is coming soon. 25 years old already, just a few more blinks of eyes to reach 30.
"What have I done???" and "What am I doing now???"
Nothing, except sustaining live.

Ooohh... Noo... It's not supposed to be just this!!! :((

Still single, parents are yet to 'fang xin'... 'n still can't accept the fact and dunno why I have to be living far from my family.

Father... yes, I know You've been giving me all the best and those blessings in my life, and I am so thankful of my life, being born in this family, being in my communities from time to time, the churches, the workplaces, the countries, etc... But, I just feel very guilty, useless, destine-less... Still lost n not knowing where I'm supposed to be, but I want to trust in You, Lord... Yes, trust in You!

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
(Psalm 139:23)

Amy, Evian and Cindy visit

30 July - 03 Aug 2009

Just a little bit of background. Amy, Evian, Cindy and I, we actually knew each other through the long closed down SOP BBS forum. Since, we still kept in touch via email n messenger once in a while. Amy and Evian the Hongkies, Cindy the Malaysian, and I the Indonesian. Never expected that we would actually meet face to face :)
Last year, Cindy came to attend SOP event and stayed in my room. That's how we for the first time met face to face.

This year, Cindy and I cancelled our plan of going to HK for SOP Asia Tour this year. Instead, we asked Amy why not she come, and she really considered that. Not only that, when I asked her to ask Evian whether she wanted to join, Evian also considered.. what a 'wow'!
And... it really happened. They came!

And I didn't expect that I would enjoy and had as much fun as I did. It had really become a wonderful memory for me. Started with the preparation of their itenary, the excitements, etc... and all the fun n laughter that they brought in our midst. I really thank God for them and for that days. They really brightened up my days. And how God lead all our activities, gave us good weather, and especially this amazing n unique friendship, really made me 'gan dong' (terharu). Thank You, Father... for such a sweet n wonderful melody that You've added up into this song of my life...

And here's some of the moments:

(Photo session)

Lesson learned for a "delayer"

Pa got to know that Chiung Lin suk was badly ill (cancer) and kind of isolated himself and his wife here in Singapore. Nobody was allowed to meet him or know where he is, not even his relatives.
Somehow pa got his phone number from his uncle. I tried to call once, his wife answered very reluctantly n said Chiung Lin suk didn't want to be disturbed.
Pa tried to call to, and same result.

Pa really wanted to visit him, knowing that he must be very lonely. Thus, asked me to try to find out the address from the phone number.

Well, I did try to find in library, and ask a few ppl if they have residents yellow pages and to no result.
However, I must admit, I hadn't put enough effort, didn't really realize the urgency, until... last nite, pa told me that Chiung Lin suk had just passed away.
I could just pause with a heavy heart.. sad.. regret.. for both Chiung Lin suk and Pa. "I should have acted faster and more seriusly", that's the first thing came to my mind. It really saddened me :(( and I felt very very bad... Said sorry to Pa, but I really wish that I had found out the address sooner.

I have realized many times that I am such a "delayer", in many things... Those usually are things that tho delayed, but still can be done. This time, it really tells me that there are a lot of things that once it's gone, IT IS GONE! no more chance to do... (same applies to that relationship issue I had)

So... I must really really not delay things that I have to do anymore, especially if it's the prompt from Holy Spirit... Oh God... help me.. I don't want to become a "delayer" anymore...

"A lot of 'yi han' (regret) that we could have chosen not to have..."
--> this is the status in my Facebook today.

Good Bye, Chiung Lin Suk... I've seen your many good works when you're living in this world (those that I saw during my childhood, which pretty much affected my passion towards mission). And I believe, you're now enjoying the crown n privileges with our Father in Heaven. See you... I really wish that Pa and I had visited you before you left...